Writer(s): Brian Skiba
Starring: Cindy Busby, Travis Milne, Mark Milburn, and Christos Shaw
Seriously, the movie is shot almost entirely in unflattering, in-your-face close-ups, with characters' noses almost popping through the TV screen. It's absolutely jarring the first time it happens, and one of those things that's no less jarring by the hundredth time. It wasn't until about halfway through that I think I pieced together why: it apparently was shot either in a tropical climate, or in the dead middle of summer, and the close-ups—which almost always take place outside—are the filmmakers' sad attempts to cover for the fact there's not a drop of snow to be found. There are digital snowflakes that were clearly added in post-production, along with unconvincing backdrops that appear to be painted in certain scenes to give the illusion that we're looking at a snowy ski lodge, instead of a normal building in a tropical climate. (For proof of my theory, scope out the final tracking shot, which clearly reveals there's some kind of poorly-utilized filter being used to give the illusion of snow that isn't there.)
These are interspersed with scenes taking place on an actual ski slope, so it seems the production had only a limited time (somewhere around three hours, it would seem) to shoot in actual snow, and then had to fake everything else to fit those scenes. I don't know the actual backstory behind it, so this is all speculation on my part, but there's just something about this whole production that's...unnerving.
Terrible visual effects aside, it gets even worse once the story is introduced: Busby is Kate Paulson, a woman who is getting ready to marry the man of her dreams. Only, the moron reveals right before they walk down the aisle that he's basically only marrying her to get his hands on family money that pays out once he gets married. Not liking the idea of being married solely for money, she leaves him at the altar—without explaining that to anyone else, mind you, and also after the marriage is made official--and runs away to the pre-paid honeymoon suite at the ski resort that happens to be right down the road to gather her thoughts, while both sets of family members try to piece together what's happening.
Through a rather improbably series of events, all of the members of both wedding parties end up staying at the ski lodge, where they continue to hurl insults at one another, all while the freshly (and technically officially married) “bride” falls in love with a ski patrol rescuer, who seems to be made out of wood and desperately wanting to become a real man, but I think that was just his acting. It doesn't take long to see where it's all headed, with her mysterious (immediate) past as a bride eventually coming to light and throwing wood boy for a loop, before everything is happily resolved, all in the name of Christmas.
Seriously, avoid this one like the plague, lest you want to be subjected to a checklist of how not to make a Christmas movie: the jokes fall flat, there's no chemistry between anyone, Kate's dad looks like a living corpse, and the gay “roommate” provided solely for comedic relief is so annoying, you just want to see him get shot in the face. Or eaten by snow wolves. Or dropped off the highest peak of the ski lift.
Anyway, unless you're a movie masochist who derives joy out of watching the cinematic dreams of an entire cast and crew deflate before your very eyes, stay far, far away from this one.
STRAY OBSERVATIONS
- If anyone tries arguing that this movie is good during everyday conversation, try to ease up...you must be talking to one of the cast/crewmembers relatives.
- The more I think about it, I wonder if this was shot as a non-holiday movie, and then re-purposed into one, for whatever reason; that would definitely explain the appalling shooting style.
- You know a movie's bad when the actors aren't even sure how to throw a punch.
TRAILER
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