Not Russian Roulette (Roblox)

Surprisingly, Roblox allows a lot of violence in games. There is a cut-off obviously, but for a platform that was initially geared toward children, they’ve always allowed it. Back before I started playing, I always thought it went against Roblox’s TOS. However, the official rules merely state only “realistic depictions of extreme gore” are forbidden from the platform. 

But how much is too much? And what is considered “realistic”? Finding the line between “excessive” and “acceptable” is something that developers have long sought the answers to. Just go to their developer forums, and you’ll find loads of game creators asking how much gore is allowed in their game. The answers are always vague, because Roblox is a lot like the MPAA: There are no set limits. It’s a collection of arbitrary rules and values that can change from one day - or one developer - to the next.

I don't know about realistic, but the gore is extreme.

But there is one category that the company has a clear, no tolerance policy for: Suicide and self harm. The seriousness of this was proven when the popular game “Breaking Point” was temporarily taken down for featuring a game mode based on “Russian roulette”. A game that features several other game modes where the entire point is to kill everyone else in your server. And that was nominated for a Bloxy award a few years back.

That hasn’t stopped developers from trying to slip it between the cracks. A game simply titled “Russian Roulette” made rounds a couple of years ago before getting banned. Yet copies of it continue to pop up, even to this day. This is no doubt the result of open game code, allowing anyone to replicate the game, with little effort. If nothing else, it proves the primitive nature of Roblox’s moderation. Shouldn’t a game directly titled after bannable content immediately flag the system? 

The game itself is simple: Everyone in the server (a max of 8 people) sit around a table. The surrounding room is appropriately grungy and monochrome. One-by-one players are handed a revolver containing a single bullet. When it’s their turn, players can either opt to spin the barrel, or fire the gun straight away. If their lucky, the gun doesn’t go off. If they’re not, they die instantly.

What might make this even more disturbing than “Breaking Point” is the level of gore involved. It might be the most violent game on the platform. Every time the gun goes off, the unfortunate victim’s head explodes, causing a five-second cascade of blood to fountain from the wound. Chunks of what remain land everywhere, often ending up on the table for the remaining contestants to see. The bodies eventually disappear, but the blood stays on the ground, a sobering reminder of the fate that will befall every contestant but one.

The silly upgrades seem out of place.

To call it “disturbing” feels too light; it borders on psychological torture. When players exit the game during their turn, the in-game caption reads “[players name] couldn’t handle the stress.” And “stressful” is a perfect handle to describe it. Even though the game uses players’ avatars - which are often ridiculous and silly - it doesn’t make the events any less jarring. Even knowing the stakes are confined to a video game won’t prevent you from sweating every time it’s your turn. It won’t prevent you from releasing a breath of air every time your character survives, or tensing up when the gun goes off, revealing your bloody fate.

This is one of those games that clearly shouldn’t exist on a platform that is geared toward children, and where the maximum rating is “13+”. It’s the type of game Roblox should ban. But it also speaks to the amateurish grade of their moderation that games like it keep popping up. How are they not immediately detected? 

And yet, part of me admires it. It’s dark. It’s disturbing. It’s intense. In terms of emotional connection, it’s everything a horror game should be. It hits notes that not even the most unexpected jumpscares can replicate. If you’re not at least partially affected by it, you should see a psychiatrist immediately. 

The main thing holding it back is the near-complete lack of interactivity. Unlike “Breaking Point”, there are no other game modes. There is no skill involved. Game play simply consists of selecting “Fire” or “Spin and Fire” when it’s the player’s turn, and nothing else. I don’t know if I could call such a disturbing game “boring”, but it doesn’t encourage long-term play.

Then again, in this case, it’s probably a good thing.

RATING: 5.5/10

The Test (Roblox)

Let’s just keep going down the Roblox rabbithole of unsettling games, shall we? This time we’re going to be covering “The Test”, which essentially works as a combination between “Russian Roulette” and “Breaking Point”. 

You and up to three other servermates are seated at a table in a drab cell. A sawn-off shotgun sits in the middle. Gameplay consists of answering one of two number-related questions, or performing a cognitive task. The first player to get it right is handed the shotgun, and decides who to off. The next round follows the same formula until one person is left standing.

There are two types of number questions: Addition, and “guess a number”. The latter is pretty straightforward and probably needs no explanation. The only change is that you have to wait 2 seconds between guesses; the first person to get the number right, “wins”. For the former, a number is shown atop the screen, with five empty spaces below it. The players must fill up the empty spaces with numbers 1-10, until they add up to the number displayed at the top. You don’t have to fill up all the spaces, though, like I initially thought. So, for example, if the number is 7, you can put “7” in one space, leave the rest blank, and the answer will be considered correct.

The other task consists of dragging a red square across a thin board, until it lines up with a blue square. The catch is, every time you hit the sides of the board, you must start over from the beginning. This leads to a frantic race to the end, with no way of knowing the progress of your enemies.

The “life-or-death” stakes definitely add some intensity to the questions. While they’re simple by design, there’s the whole psychological aspect of knowing a slow answer will result in potential death. Or, when the round dwindles down to you and one other person, a certain fate. It might amount to empty stakes in a video game, but “The Test” does a good job of putting the player inside their character. Earning the gun gives you a sense of power and superiority, while facing the barrel of a gun knowing your fate is the stuff of psychological horror.

Matches can be more exciting depending on the server you’re in. Most “winners” will ask trivia questions via chat as a way to narrow down who their victim should be. Answer it wrong, or too slowly, and you might be the next to go. Others just point and shoot with no explanation or motive. The former is more “fun”, while the latter is more jarring.

The violence is grotesque in its realism, as far as Roblox games go. There isn’t a whole lot of blood, but that’s actually one of its more unnerving aspects. Due to the close proximity of the players, as well as the force from the gun, shot players are frequently launched out of their seats, slumping on the ground in impossibly-contorted heaps. Blood splatters against the chair or wall, rather than spraying all over like in other games on the platform. That helps to give it a more “authentic” feel than the cartoonish geysers that spray all over in other games.

But there are a few issues that truly hinder the game’s overall effectiveness.

The main disadvantage is that there’s very little in the way of replayability. “Breaking Point” gets it right by offering up a variety of different game modes to help keep things interesting. “The Test” is far more graphic, but very one-dimensional: Outside of its basic premise - which wears off rather quickly - the game quickly loses some of its appeal. For starters, the gun is always loaded and always goes off. It would be vastly more terrifying if the gun would occasionally jam, or if some of the chambers were empty. Imagine pointing the gun at someone, only to be met with the hollow sound of the hammer hitting an empty chamber. That surviving member would know your intention was to kill them, and be all the more motivated to return the favor in the next round.

The limited player count is also a point of contention. There are a max of four players per “game”. With one person guaranteed to die in each round, the games typically don’t last longer than two minutes. This is in stark contrast to “Russian Roulette”, which features up to eight players in each round. Those matches can go on for several minutes. While it sometimes feels drawn out - mainly when you’re waiting to rejoin the next “match” - every trip around the table creates a sense of mounting dread. In "The Test", there's no such lingering effect; the game is over before the psychological aspect has a chance to take hold.

And lastly, there’s very little variation in the questions. The solutions to the answers vary slightly, but the tasks themselves are the same ones I mentioned above, every single time. This gives clear advantages to players who have been playing for a long time, and can also alienate players who aren’t good at math. Meanwhile, the "cognitive" task seems to be rather impossible for mobile players: Far too often, I've been the first to complete it, despite having to restart multiple times. 

It might work a little better with friends, but even then I think it would lose its luster rather quickly. If you’re looking for a short game that offers a quick jolt to the system, “The Test” delivers. But if you’re looking for something that’s going to keep you busy for a few days, it simply isn’t worth your time.

RATING: 4/10

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It's fan made, but gets the point across pretty well.

Cupid for Christmas (2021)

Director: Blayne Weaver
Writer(s): Patricia Harrington
Starring: Melanie Stone, Ryan Carnes, Natasha Behnam and Richard Kind

Every holiday season, amongst the sea of mindless, soul-crushing drivel, there is a movie that stands head and shoulders amongst its peers. A movie that somehow actually manages to create a sense of wonder about the holidays. This year, it’s Cupid for Christmas. (Okay, so technically it was made last year; I meant in terms of our holiday viewing seasons.)

Even the plot is a little weird: Ruby (real name: Cherub Valentine) is Cupid’s apprentice. The problem is, she’s pretty terrible at her job, as evidenced by the opening scene: In an attempt to make two people fall in love, she inadvertently hits the wrong person with her arrow, leading to a barroom brawl.

Cupid, played by the affable Richard Kind, is understandably appalled. He wants to retire, and sees Ruby as his replacement, but fears she’s too kindhearted for the role. So he gives her one final chance: If she can make “unmatchable” college professor Charlie fall in love by Christmas Eve, she gets the job. If not, chances are that job goes to Philomena, a much more adept assistant who wants the position just as much as her colleague.

Cupid for Christmas is full of refreshing revelations. Chief among them? Ruby never hides her powers, or ulterior motives. This is something that hinders not just Christmas movies, but movies across multiple genres. How annoying is it when characters keep their magic a secret, even from the people closest to them? Ruby is upfront with Charlie from the beginning, even going so far as to reveal the lingering promotion that’s the sole reason for her interest. Hell, she even disappears in front of bewildered strangers.

But that’s not all: She enlists the help of the students in one of Charlie’s classes to help her find a match for the lovably awkward professor. They are mocking, but well-intentioned: They know there’s potential hidden somewhere underneath the awkward and clumsy. It’s just a matter of bringing it out, something no one has been able to do. Once again, she’s up front about her intentions, and doesn’t even hide her magical abilities from them.

The strength (or weakness, as the case may be) of this type of movie is in the characters, but that’s only one area where Cupid for Christmas shines. The two leads are attractive and have some believable chemistry together, which plays a big role. But they’re also surrounded by characters who are more fleshed-out than the average holiday rom-com supporting cast. Take, for example, Ruby’s relationship with Philomena. While it could have become a heated competition given their want to replace Cupid, it never becomes mean-spirited or even competitive. Sure, Philomena attempts to sabotage Ruby’s efforts once or twice, but it’s lighthearted, playful, and clearly played for laughs, with no trace of malice.

The students are also given their own unique personalities. They’re pretty much all the standard stereotypes - the stoner, the crazy girl, the gay guy, etc. - . On more than one occasion, the interplay between Ruby and the students reminded of “A.P. Bio”, the underrated sitcom starring Glenn Howerton (of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” fame). They’re real, to the point, and give off the same silly vibe. But at the end of the day, all they want is to see their professor happy.

Obviously, it is a Christmas movie at heart: It still has its fair share of predictable scenes. But I have to confess it kept me guessing on more than a couple occasions; I wasn’t even entirely sure how the ending would play out, until the final ten or so minutes. Others - like my wife, who didn’t buy my myriad theories on possible “shock” endings - might not have such a hard time. But the way the movie consistently shuns familiar tropes had me opening my mind to dozens of out-of-the-box possibilities.

It might not explore any of them, but that doesn’t change the fact that Cupid for Christmas is an unexpected delight. It’s a unique (well, as “unique” as these formulaic affairs can be) holiday rom-com that derives glee from stomping on many of the expected tropes of the genre. And, in doing so, avoids many of the pratfalls of its peers. Yet it’s also intelligent enough to know when to stick to the formula, delivering an ending that will appeal to holiday purists.

It might not remind you how special the holidays are, but it will remind you that there are decent holiday movies out there, after all.

ENTERTAINMENT RATING: 9/10

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Merry Kiss Cam (2022)

Director: Lisa France
Writer(s): Maya Boudreau and Evan D. Watkins
Starring: Jesse Bradford, Katie Lowes, Nathaniel Fuller, and Benny Elledge

I don’t think it takes a rocket scientist to notice these sappy chronicles follow a rather distinct formula: Two people meet; usually hate each other in the beginning; are forced to spend time together; fight over something that displays a clear lack of communication; then discover they are actually meant to be together. There are slight variations, of course, but virtually every one of them contain at least four of the five elements listed above.

Finding ways to subvert the genre’s expectations while adhering to the above “checklist” can be a daunting task. But there are ways that it can be tinkered with so that it feels different. Those are the ones we generally hold in high regard. And Merry Kiss Cam comes awfully close to reaching the lofty heights of very few hol-coms before it.

To be clear, the base idea is even stupider than most: Bartender Danny and widowed artist Jess go on a first date to a college hockey game. Danny is a huge fan of the Minnesota-Duluth Bulldogs; unfortunately, they’re in the midst of a huge losing streak that’s threatening to put them out of playoff contention. The duo are mortified when they end up on the “kiss cam”, a live segment on sports arena Jumbotrons everywhere that urge the pictured duo to kiss. After some urging from fellow fans, they lock lips…and then a miraculous thing happens. The Bulldogs score immediately thereafter, securing a much-needed victory!

Due to the close proximity between said smooch and the game-winning goal, the fans believe they are the team’s good luck charm. This superstition seems to carry some weight after they continue to kiss during every game…and the team continues to win.

But as we all know things can’t just go that smoothly. Behind the scenes, there’s a lot of extra baggage between them. Well, mainly because of Jess, who refuses to tell Danny about her dead ex-husband, something Danny somehow finds out on his own. Figuring she isn’t ready to talk about it, he politely keeps this information secret, which is clearly the right thing to do in this situation. Or so one would think. Her career as an artist is also beginning to take off, adding to her stress - and obstacles that threaten her relationship with Danny - as she tries to meet important deadlines.

I don’t want to spoil too much, but the obligatory “fight” is frustrating; it’s about the only thing that bogs an otherwise wonderful movie down. I have mentioned this many times before, but why do these features always feel the need to drive a (temporary) chasm between the two protagonists, anyway? I know, I know, it’s part of the “hol-com checklist”, but it’s an aspect that feels outdated. I guess maybe it’s to show that their relationships can withstand the challenges of daily life, but in many movies, they just feel forced. That’s the situation here, where a small misunderstanding is blown way out of proportion.

One unfortunate aspect of critiquing holiday romantic comedies - hell, rom-coms in general - is that, in order to do a thorough job, one must be shallow. I mean, isn’t it a huge selling point that the two leads are attractive? I’ve said this before, but the perfect casting features young-ish characters - generally in their late twenties or early thirties - who are cute, but not overly hot. It’s not just me, though: Clearly casting departments put this criteria over everything else. Disagree with me? Then why are there so many holiday movies without an ounce of chemistry between the two main characters? You know, the ones that we’re supposed to be cheering on to find true love?

Refreshingly, Merry Kiss Cam bucks that trend, proving just how shallow we all are in the process. Katie Lowes, who you might know from her stint on the TV show “Scandal”, doesn’t have the typical looks of a romantic lead. That’s not to say she’s ugly, she just has a different look about her that’s well outside the norm. She has robust features that are atypical of the “young and skinny” requirements of most hol-coms. Again, that’s not to say she’s fat; anyone above a size 2 seems to be considered “too big” for most of these roles. (I feel like there’s no way to explain this without drawing the ire of fans, or being considered “sexist”, but let’s be real here: it’s a thing.)

Even Jesse Bradford, who you might recall as Kirsten Dunst’s younger brother in the cheerleading comedy Bring It On, has a look that I believe will have to grow on most viewers. He is given a slouchy, uncaring look that is “perfect” for the stereotypical bar owner, which movies typically seem to consider a “slum” job for slackers and ne’er-do-wells. This is a far cry from the clean-shaven good guy who tends to dominate these types of roles. Hell, it’s even more “extreme” than the typical “rugged outdoorsman” who are predominantly featured in the movies that feature country boys as the lead. It’s something that might take some getting used to for Christmas romance traditionalists.

And yet the movie manages to work, thanks in large part to their dynamic chemistry. No, I wouldn’t go so far as to say there’s a lot of sexual tension between them, but these types of movies don’t need that. The two leads genuinely give off the aura of a couple falling in innocent, PG-rated love. There feels like there’s a pull between them; like they’re fated to be together. The two actors seem very comfortable in each others’ presence, and their relationship flows naturally. That might sound like something that should be a given, but there are more than a fair share of rom-coms that make it hard to cheer for the two protagonists to find their “happily ever after” thanks to wooden acting or non-existent appeal.

But, just like the Bulldogs at the center of the movie, chances are you won’t find it hard to cheer for these two fated lovers to take their romance beyond the confines of a public video screen, and into the real world that exists outside of it.

STRAY OBSERVATIONS

• As a hockey fan - and former beer league goaltender - I must say a majority of the hockey scenes are rather below average. Why can’t movies that feature sports also focus on getting the “action” sequences right? The goalies move way too slow to “sell” most of the goals. That might sound nitpicky, but there’s enough hockey footage to be a strong supporting part of the story.
• Benny Elledge is perfect as Bulldogs’ super-fan Derrick Dubonnet, who sits behind Jess and Danny at the games. He’s great at being somewhat obnoxious (again, in a PG-rated way), yet likable at the same time.
• Another refreshing change of pace: They don’t wait until the end of the movie to kiss. Sure, it might not be romantic seeing them do it on a big screen surrounded by thousands of fans, but I like how they get it “out of the way” early. This allows the focus to be on their relationship, rather than their first kiss.

RATING: 6.5/10

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Lloyd Residence (Roblox)

 Developer: Chuck_Lloyd

Most games are games; that’s pretty obvious. You jump in, you play, and then you’re done. It’s a very straightforward process. The line between fiction and reality is clearly stated. Even if the game is about perception of reality, all blurred lines are mostly experienced by the in-game character; the user is aware that he or she is playing a game at all times.

“Lloyd Residence” is the first time where I’ve “finished” a game and came out just as clueless as when I first started. I can’t tell if it’s simply a genius marketing tactic, or if its story actually cuts into reality. At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter, because either way, it’s a relatively engrossing experience.

This story takes place in and around a house. That house belongs to Chuck Lloyd (as is inferred from the title). Your job is pretty unclear from the game synopsis, which only offers one eerie sentence: “Welcome to our house, please make yourself at home.” The house is a small ranch, with one bedroom, and is flanked by a shed and cornfield.

Your journey starts on a walkway right outside the house. You are given no specific objectives to complete. In fact, nothing at first glance even insinuates there are any objectives to complete. You are free to explore the house at your leisure; it’s the locked basement door and shed that give you some clues on what to look for.

There are day and night cycles. Daytime is pretty boring. Nothing happens, although it does give you a clearer vision and greater chance to explore. Once night comes - provided you’re in a dark room - you’re visited by black, ghostly figures with glowing eyes. All they do is stare, only to disappear once someone gets too close. Clearly, something ain’t right with this place.

Don't worry. They're harmless.

I won’t bore you with a walkthrough of how to “beat” the game; there are many YouTube videos already dedicated to that. Actually, that statement comes with a caveat: Supposedly, it’s impossible to complete, in its entirety. Arguments abound as to why - some say Chuck simply never finished making the game. Others insist it was completed, but no one outside of a couple insiders know the codes required to get the full ending.

What I will bore you with is my experience of playing it. I found the shed key through another player, who disappeared a short while later (not as mysterious as it sounds; probably just left the game.) I trudged to the shed myself and ended up grabbing the shovel from there.

In the shed

At the same time, I stumbled on a different person in the same quandary as me. We both had shovels, but were we supposed to do with them? As if by serendipity, we bumped into another player. His name was Qupify. He told us to follow him, because he knew where to go. We both complied. With Qupify’s help, we completed the next task and ended up with a basement key. The player I partnered up with offered to get a map so that we could navigate the neverending labyrinth of Chuck’s basement, but Qupify confidently claimed he could lead us through without a map. Blindly, we followed him into the dark maze.

In the basement are five “checkpoints”. The checkpoints are statues, which you must “say” (via in-game chat) certain phrases to in order to proceed. To complete the game, all five checkpoints are needed. Supposedly, only three were ever actually programmed. Qupify got us as far as we could go, and then invited us to “meet” him in another game so that he could explain everything to us. We were both hesitant, but had no other leads, so we complied. (I honestly don’t remember any of the codes; he entered them all.)

Digging up the raven (which can't be done on mobile)

The experience he invited us to was called “Qupify’s Residence”. It was just a large, glorious mansion surrounded by forest. Qupify led us into the house, where he offered us some tea. The meeting had an odd aura about it; it was literally like being in the house of a casual acquaintance. He was outwardly friendly, but there was the unsettling feeling that things could go south at any time. It might only be a game, but there was something almost…personal about all of it.

Once we got settled in (my poor servermate had internet issues and had to leave and come back a couple of times), Qupify sat down and proceeded to explain the game’s lore. Chuck_Lloyd, creator of the game, was actually a man who went by Kazdam. Kazdam owned a group called “Roblox’s Myths”, where users tried to compile - and investigate - myths involving the gaming platform. “Lloyd Residence” was one of them, as Chuck was a part of the “Shadelight” myth. (I won’t bore you with details about this, or any other Roblox myth, because I still don’t even fully understand what they entail.)

Qupify's residence, where the story continued.

As it turns out, Kazdam was involved with grooming and harassing minors on Roblox. Once word spread that he was a pedophile, he was immediately kicked out of the group. The remaining members opted not to continue the group under the same name - which was stained with Kazdam’s “legacy” - so they started a new one, called “The Bureau of Myths.” As a result of Kazdam’s (aka “Chuck_Lloyd”) downfall, the “Lloyd Residence” game was never fully completed.

Qupify told us this calmly, as we slowly sipped our tea. At some point, the other guy left, so Qupify had me follow him to an underground bunker he had on his property. A red-headed girl sat inside the bunker, crying. She was chained to the wall. Qupify calmly made some comment to the girl, I think something about her dad owing him money, before shooting her in the head. Right in front of my eyes. I expected him to do the same to me, or for him to chain me up. Something. But he just matter-of-factly said he had somewhere else to be. With that, he disappeared from the server, leaving me all alone. 

I spent the next five or so minutes wandering around his property, but didn’t really know what I was doing there. So I left. Are there further clues there? Could the secrets of Lloyd’s residence be hidden inside the walls of that house? Or inside the bunker? I don’t know, and I probably wouldn’t be smart enough to figure anything out if the answer was inside.

The "basement", sight of a shocking scene.

“Lloyd Residence” is one of the few games - across any platform - that has left me with more questions than answers. And I’m not talking about in the typical way games use ambiguity to create an unnerving atmosphere. I’m talking in a way that almost breaks the fourth wall. Is this even a game? Is it really a myth game created by some ostracized pedophile? Is Kazdam even real? (The only stories I could find use his Roblox name; no real-life news stories involving him have been published.) Is the backstory real, or is it just part of an elaborate, well-made gimmick? Or is it all something that pretends to have substance that it doesn’t actually have?

And who in the hell is Qupify? A member of the “Roblox myth” community? An advanced bot? A “volunteer” who lingers around the game and does this regularly? Is this part of the actual experience? Are there other players like this that exist? Or did I just get incredibly lucky to find him? Was I even lucky? 

I still don’t know the answer to any of those questions. I’m still not sure the point of it. And after playing through as far as I care to play, I probably never will. But whatever the case may be, there’s no denying this was a visceral experience. It affected me in a way very few games have. It blurred the line between fiction and reality so well that I didn’t -don’t - know what to believe. It left me shocked and shaken; fascinated and repulsed. And it’s an experience I won’t soon forget.

Overall: 7/10.

TRAILER

It's fan-made, and kind of overlong, but it doesn't reveal much and gets the point across.

Christmas Movie Magic (2021)

Director: Robert Vaughn
Writer(s): Rickie Castaneda, from a story by James S. Blakeman and Caitlin English
Starring: Holly Deveaux, Drew Seeley, Jill Frappier and Jennifer Gibson

The first holiday movie of the season more or less sets the tone for all the rest that follow. If we get a bad one, then it’s a case of “bah-humbug” and that negativity follows into the next viewing. And the next. Until one of them finally breaks the cycle by being “good”. Last year we saw an unprecedented number of above-average Christmas rom-coms.

This year hasn’t gotten off to such a good start.

Actually Christmas Movie Magic does get off to a decent start. A man encounters a woman walking her pig in the middle of the street. Through some cheeky dialogue, the two seem to hit it off instantly. But we can tell from the intentionally stilted acting (even for this type of movie) that it’s not from this time period. Alas, it is not: This love story is actually a movie from the 1950s.

I was hoping the entire movie would be done in this style. It probably would have gotten a little tiresome, but at least it would have been unique. Unfortunately, the “movie-within-a-movie” is only glimpsed occasionally after the intro, despite playing an annoyingly protracted part in the main movie itself.

Alli is an entertainment writer hoping to earn a promotion to the news team. Of course, she thinks her talents are being underutilized, and wants a chance to prove herself. Her boss offers her the chance to do just that - provided she write an article about Christmas With You, that ‘50s movie we caught a glimpse of earlier. Starring Walter Andrews - Hollywood’s heartthrob of the time - it seems the movie had such a profound impact on the city it was filmed in, that it continues even today.

That city is White Falls. And that movie seems to have had no greater impact on anyone, than a man named Brad Westdale who, of course, is Alli’s age. This man is a walking encyclopedia of the movie - in fact, it’s all he fucking talks about. It’s “Christmas With You” this, and “Christmas With You” that. Sure, his history has something to do with it - his grandpa and grandma’s movie theater was the site of the film’s premiere - but come on, Brad, it’s been 65 years. You weren’t around, and only heard the stories through a third party, even if that third party was your grandparents. Seriously, his fascination with it veers into pure obsession.

There is some boring “mystery” involving a famous song that Walter wrote for the movie, which was inspired by a secret lover he had on set. Alli and Brad’s drive to solve that mystery forms the binding agent that brings the two would-be lovers together. (Is it a spoiler alert to reveal that the two leads get together in the end?) It’s rather yawn-inducing.

Christmas Movie Magic does have one welcome change: Alli and Brad never “hate” each other. There always seems to be friction between the two leads in the beginning, which slowly becomes admiration. Here, Alli seems to be intrigued by Brad from the outset, as curious as it is. I would think most women would be put off by a man whose only knowledgeable topic is an old romance movie, but what do I know?

There are also some other strengths: Holly Deveaux is attractive - and adept - as the lead, which helps to give an air of believability to the budding romance. (Brad, on the other hand, comes off as doofy, but I think that has more to do with the script.) The flashbacks to the “classic” movie that forms the backdrop to the modern tale is also done with an impressive level of detail. Even the central song - though it’s not the least bit catchy - does sound like it was recorded in the ‘50s.

Maybe it got us in the wrong mood. After all, reviews of this are above-average across the board (including a positive write-up in the Wall Street Journal, of all places). But Brad’s relentless, grating obsession with a movie that premiered 65 years ago was enough to sink it for us. Add in the final musical number, which takes place in the present day and feels woefully out of place - and a complete lack of chemistry between the two leads - and you have the perfect recipe for holiday drowsiness.

STRAY OBSERVATIONS

• As out-of-left-field and laughable as its placement is, I must admit the final musical number is actually well-done, thanks to some competent choreography.

• How in the hell has no one seen Walter’s revelatory identity of his real-life love interest prior to this? It’s spelled out and written in huge fucking letters!

• This movie might have actually been helped out by some initial friction, as Alli’s skepticism is never enough to challenge Brad and his annoyingly saccharine vision of life.

• It took me a Herculean effort just to make it through without falling asleep.

• It's telling when the two leads can't muster up more than an unemotional peck for their first kiss.

RATING: 3/10

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Intrusion (Demo) (Roblox)

Finding under-the-radar games on Roblox is pretty hard. The main page offers up the same games every single day, and most are derivative works that all copy off one another. For example, the “one-person-gets-picked-as-bad-guy-and-everyone-else-must-try-to-survive”, which seems to be a staple of the platform.

Somehow, my search took me to “Intrusion”, a demo for a forthcoming full-length game*.

The beginning finds you inside an elevator. You’re making your way to your apartment after an exhausting day at work. Unfortunately, you can’t just lay down and relax - you’ve got some work to do. You’re moving tomorrow, and must pack up your belongings in order to prepare for the move. But things don’t seem right. The lights to the apartment building go out midway through. It’s an easy fix, but still…why did they do that?

I'm a sucker for games with credit sequences.

Day two is moving day. You unpack boxes from a moving truck, and once again go to sleep. But this time, rudely awakened from your slumber. Wait, you’re in the bed of your own apartment building! And there seems to be something on the loose, willing to do whatever it takes to kill you.

I'm going to just get right to it: The demo is frustrating. Every time you die you have to start all over from the beginning. There is no “skip” option for the “boring” scenes before the monster arrives. The developers have stated this will be changed in the full version, but it’s more than a minor inconvenience in the meantime. It’s not like it takes all that long to replay it up to the first monster encounter - probably around 5 minutes. It's just the principle of it. It's redundant, it's boring, and it's highly unnecessary. The developers are aware of it and have changed the system for "A World Below", which is the title of the full game. But the introduction (which is a separate game and the focus of this review) still can't be skipped. Honestly, it’s one of those little things that can alienate would-be players, myself included.

I get that they're trying to prepare you for the game, and set up the story, but come on...there's got to be a better way. It could be as simple as skippable cutscenes. I just don't understand the need for something so frustrating to be a necessary learning mechanic.

I've had the pleasure of stacking every one of these boxes five times now.

This issue is magnified because you will more than likely die at least once. You are given no warning when the first monster attacks. One night, you go to sleep and then suddenly awake in a panic with “Get Out” being the only objective. I frantically paced in the room looking for clues. What was I even escaping? The room, or…before I could even piece it together, I was killed by a monster who had forced its way in. Tips for escaping the creature that killed you are given on the death screen, which is eerily similar to “Doors”, on down to the design. But in order to put those tips to use, you must trudge through the introductory sequence again. And, in my case, continue to die over and over. (For the record, you have to make it to the elevator you started in at the beginning of the game.)

The graphics are actually pretty solid, and that’s with my graphics settings only halfway up. (My laptop is clearly not a gaming computer, and would lag horribly if increased). I would highly doubt it would run well on mobile devices, but I haven’t tested this theory. The atmosphere is also fairly creepy, thanks to its use of “liminal space”. Having a multi-floor apartment building as the main setting is a smart choice, as the lack of other characters gives it that eerie, abandoned vibe. Why is no one else alarmed when the lights go out? Hell, where is everybody?

I guess I’m probably not the most reliable critic to review this game. I still haven’t beaten it, and this is just a short introduction. But at the same time, it’s still enough to understand what the game is going for. I’m actually hugely disappointed in the “Doors”-style approach, which has already been completely overdone. Whatever happened to just having one monster to worry about? Why do you need so many more? More specifically, why does this game need any more? (And, for the record, I love “Doors”.)

In short, I didn’t know what to expect going in. I figured it was just a “creature breaks into your house” kind of game, based on the title and vibe I got. Instead, it seems to be another “avoid multiple monsters” kind of thing, which isn’t what I was looking for. To be fair, it does seem to have a story, and a much more horror-driven atmosphere than “Doors”. But, for me, it's still a little too similar to other Roblox horror titles to really make much of an impact. 

OVERALL: 4.5/10.

*The game has been released, under the name “Intrusion: A World Below”. I tried playing the full game, and like the synopsis warns, I was completely lost. I will update this review as soon as I actually make it through the introduction.

**Apparently, this game is going to be overhauled already, thanks to community feedback. According to the developer, pretty much the whole thing will be changed. I didn’t see specific comments to know what the “issue” was, or to see what direction it’s going to head in. But I’ll be interested in seeing what the future holds.

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The Mirror (Roblox)

Developer: Egroce

The game's logo, or whatever.

 

Roblox is rife with all types of horror games, as you’re seeing here (if you didn’t already know). A lot of them are carbon copies of one another: For every popular game, there are roughly a hundred inferior clones. That’s just the nature of a platform where anyone can make a game, and many are just trying to make a buck.

Thankfully, there are also a ton of innovative, unique takes on the horror genre. They don’t always hit the mark - many Roblox experiences are created by a handful of people, on down to just one - but many of them at least manage to be interesting, if nothing else.

Gameplay is pretty straightforward.

Enter The Mirror, a game developed by a user known as Egroce. Actually “game” might be a little too strict a title, with the game’s warning screen explaining that it’s more a cinematic story than an actual game. It even goes on to say that some may find it “boring”. Clearly this isn’t going to be for everyone.

You start off in a small, well-lit room. Inside is a mirror, a lever, a paper affixed to the wall, and a door. In case you’re lost, the paper explains everything. Basically, turn off the light, and stare into the mirror. If things get too uncomfortable, you can turn the light back on at any time. That’s it, because that’s all there is to do.

Of course, if this was all that happened, “boring” wouldn’t even begin to describe it. Slowly, weird things start happening. And they only get weirder the longer the “experiment” goes on. A few seconds in, the door behind you opens…or does it? Your face starts shifting, getting more and more distorted. Until…

He seems pretty happy...

The scariest thing about all this is that it’s based on an actual medical phenomenon. I thought it would have some cool name attached to it, like “mirror psychosis”, or something, but it doesn’t. It’s known only as “mirror gazing”, which can also have positive connotations as a form of meditation. Clearly, this experience isn’t about the “self-help” kind. In a published study - the first of its kind - “healthy” and depressed patients both spent 7 minutes in a lightly-lit room staring at themselves in a mirror. A whopping 66% reported facial distortion, while others experienced a range of other visualizations, including seeing the face of a relative, or even an animal. (More curious/frightening: The “depressed” patients actually reported less severe distortions and hallucinations.)

I’m a little torn here. The game has made many lists of “scariest horror games on Roblox”, which is how it garnered my attention. But just how effective can a three-minute game with virtually no replayability actually be? I’ll admit it does create a pretty unnerving atmosphere - mainly thanks to excellent sound design. The fact it’s based on a real medical phenomenon only adds to that. 

Uh oh...

But, perhaps unfairly, being a creation of Roblox does it no favors. The square-ish “noob” shaped characters - a staple of the platform - come off as rather silly, no matter how you try to mask it. Its decision to use the player’s avatar also potentially leads to reduced effectiveness. I’ve seen some pretty crazy-looking characters, thanks to the endless customization options available to players. If you’re dressed as a cat, or a closet (something I’ve literally seen), or a fruit, then how can it be creepy to stare at yourself for three minutes? Ditto if you have a smile, or other weird facial pose: It doesn't change no matter how eerie things get. 

I would suggest using just a standard, plain-looking “male” or “female” template. One that looks like a normal human. This could cut back on the distractions that could potentially curb its effectiveness. On the flipside, I guess using the player’s avatar might make it feel more “personal” for the player, which could potentially increase its impact. 

A "termination log" rounds out the experience.

At any rate, “The Mirror” certainly does the best it can with its limited resources. It’s a unique idea executed with a clear vision. The fact it was made by one person makes it even more impressive. Its limited scope and replayability might force it into a more “niche” category of Robloxian horror, but it’s worth checking out for fans of the genre.

Overall: 6/10.

NOTE: There isn't an official trailer. It makes sense, considering the game lasts only a short while longer than the average preview, and it would basically give everything away.

Anxiety (Roblox)

Developer: Zoidberg656

Anxiety is a single-person horror game that’s in the same vein as “The Mirror”, in that it’s basically an “experience” rather than a game. (I know, I know, Roblox calls all of their games “experiences”, but I don’t.) There isn’t too much gameplay involved, outside of walking around a dark house in the middle of the night. Think of it as more of an interactive story rather than something that’s made to be “played”.

Well, this sets the tone early...

You start off in the dark bedroom of a modest-sized house. A title card informs “You have no objective.” You can wander around anywhere you like, turning on lights and interacting with a few household items. But soon, things start to go awry. A low rumbling noise starts in on the soundtrack and you know things are about to take a dark turn...

That’s pretty much all I can say about it. This is one of those games that you can’t really talk about without giving specific things away. It was created by Zoidberg656, who suffers from “a severe social anxiety disorder and depression” and wanted to translate the way he feels into game form. At least, as best as he can within the confines of a (mostly) child-based platform. 

The simple setting provides ample atmosphere.

Tacking on to thatI have a theory that everyone has a mental health issue of some sort. It might be something as “simple” as a short temper, or something as severe as schizophrenia, or agoraphobia…no one’s mind can be “perfect”. They’re not all debilitating: many people can function just fine, and some never even notice they have a “defect”. Or, people just learn to hide it well. As Zoidberg is quick to point out in the game’s synopsis, “not everyone experiences the same symptoms of anxiety”, so this isn’t meant as a blanket statement for everyone; just his own experiences with it. 

There are no jumpscares or monsters, or any other cheap scare tactics that Roblox games usually rely on. There are no creepy characters or hallucinations…just one man alone in a house, trying to fight the demons of his own mind. Thanks to some effective sound design, Zoidberg manages to do a pretty good job of ratcheting up tension that technically isn’t even there. And that’s what anxiety is: Getting “worked up” (for lack of a better term) over mundane things that generally seem “normal” to others.

My wife, for example, has what I would consider to be an irrational fear of storms. Any time there’s lightning in the forecast, I hear about it; if she’s with her family, they hear all about it, too. I’ll admit that, at first, I found it baffling and maybe even a little childish. Who could be so scared of something that frequently happens in daily life? In her case, her fear of storms was exacerbated by a traumatic event from her childhood.

As the saying goes: “The mind is a terrible thing to waste.” And yet there’s very little understood about a vast majority of mental health issues. That means millions of people are wasting their minds every year, held back by deficiencies that they don’t even fully understand themselves. It took me well over a decade to realize I had ADHD, which explained my constant lack of focus on boring tasks (among other, more serious things). That’s a decade I certainly wish I could have back; I know I'm far from the only one.

Oh look, your house has a toilet!

Once again, in Zoidberg’s own words, this is meant to be “an eye opener” for people who don’t understand it. Either because they don’t suffer from it, or because they have for so long that they just think it’s “normal”. It's a sobering reminder that no one is alone in their afflictions; no matter what you suffer from, so are millions of others.

It's hard to fault a game like this. It has a clear vision, and was made with plenty of heart and emotion. It's also effective in driving its point home. At the same time, it's a very one-note experience. There are no secrets to find, or multiple endings; there's nothing to "miss" the first time. It's a very linear story told in the most straightforward way possible. In other words, once you finish it, there's no reason to ever play it again.

Things are spiraling out of control...

Nevertheless, as a work of art, it's more than a passable time-waster. The simplicity that hinders it is also one of its positives: It doesn't try to be ambitious. It has no aim to be "popular" or to be featured on Roblox's front page. It doesn't try to be preachy, nor is it seeking pity. It merely exists to exist; an experience that simultaneously feels too genuine and personal for Roblox, and yet a perfect fit.

It's far too short to make any sort of long-lasting impression. But it grabs you from the first moment and doesn't let go. It forces you to listen to what it has to say. It's probably not going to change your life, but it's an effective little game that uses horror tropes to tell a story that deserves to be heard. And one, it hopes, that might make you more aware of  the monsters that potentially dwell inside the heads of others.

Or your own.

Overall: 7/10

Awww, you're welcome.

TRAILER

The trailer wisely shows off nothing; I'm also a sucker for "nice" music that feels out of place in horror media. It might not "trick" horror aficianados into giving it a try, but it's certainly intriguing.