Anne Bobby as Off. Vicki Quinn
Barbara Bosson as Mayor Louise Plank
Ronny Cox as Chief Roger Kendrick
David Gianopoulos as Off. Andy Campo
Larry Joshua as Capt. John Hollander
James McDaniel as Off. Franklin Rose
Ron McLarty as Ralph Ruskin
Mick Murray as Det. Joseph Gaines
Peter Onorati as Det. Vincent LaRusso
Written by: William M. Finkelstein and Stephen Bochco
Directed by: Gregory Hoblit
It all begins with a drug raid. I suppose that’s as good as any way to start the first episode to a cop show: offer a bit of action to pull the viewer in, and just hope that they come back for more, time and time again. The inside of the raided house features at least a half-dozen junkies, probably more, and all of them are arrested. Two of the house’s inhabitants are Tyrone Weeks, a tenacious local drug dealer, and Patty Spence, a user who lives in the house with her baby daughter.
But let’s be honest here: action isn’t the first thing on the minds of most people sitting down to a viewing of “Cop Rock”. Most people are looking forward to the first choreographed musical number, and thankfully it doesn’t take long; right after Tyrone is arrested in the raid, he rapspeaks lyrics that, among other things, clearly state that he will be let go of his charges. It is amusing, and actually kind of cool, how bystanders also chime in to many of the songs, creating a choir effect--in this case, it’s in the form of several black gang members, as they join in Tyrone’s chorus of “In these streets, we have the power, we have the power, we have the power!” The cops finally manage to toss him into the car and drive off.
Now, by this point, we are still on the fence about this whole project: it’s stupid, but still kind of cool. That is, until Randy fuckin’ Newman is shown sitting at a piano, singing the show’s terrible theme, called “Under the Gun”, while several out-of-character cast members watch and nod their heads in approval. It’s an awfully misconceived introduction that, aside from the gun at the beginning, has nothing to do with either “cops”, nor “rock”, and lead to some unintentional guffaws from my wife and I. It’s the first moment where just how dumb of an idea this is suddenly hits you, and unfortunately for the show, it starts around the three minute mark. It also reflects poorly on the Emmy’s, who actually gave this piece-of-shit song an award. Just one of many reasons to proudly say: Fuck the Emmy’s.
After that bit of embarrassment, we’re back to the main story. Sure enough, Tyrone is returned to the streets thanks to a lack of evidence, and overcrowded jails…that same day, he ends up killing a police officer who was giving chase to his van. The fallen officer is Gilbert Braden, partner to Frank Rose, who stands over his body and screams for help. Much to my relief, there are no songs sung here.
Now we go back to check on Patty, whose daughter is being taken away from her. For reasons unknown, female officer Vicki Hill, who pities the young addict, pulls some strings and has her baby daughter returned to her. Despite this nice gesture, Patty still refuses to cut drugs out of her life, instead reassuring Vicki that she will “cut back”. I’m sure that’s just what she wanted to hear. But Vicki herself is battling personal issues--namely an attraction to her partner, and a marriage to a rather fat and unattractive man, who belts out a song about how, out of all men, “she chose me”. It’s every bit as bad and as misplaced as you would think it would be.
Jesus, the plot points are so ridiculous that I’m just going to bullet-point them in an effort to summarize them way quicker:
Phew! And all this happens in a scant 48 minutes! Even without the nonsensical dance routines this would be a lot to stomach--but with them, it’s way too much. Really, this first episode, while no doubt laying the foundation for the entire season, bites off way more than it can chew--many characters are in and out within two minutes of screen time, which doesn’t give you much time to get to “know” any of the cops-turned-theater-stars. This, even moreso than the bizarre blend of singing, and police procedural, is probably the biggest turn-off of the pilot, as no single person or plot point is given any time to resonate.
I also made the mistake of being turned on to this series thanks to the track “He’s Guilty”, which is actually pretty badass. The more I learn about this show, however, it’s quickly becoming apparent that good songs are more the exception than the rule. To wit, the gospel-tinged “I’m Guilty” is far and away the best (with jurors donning gospel choir garb and adding background vocals), while “The Bribery Song” is forgettable, the opening “In These Streets” is okay, and “She Chose Me” is so terrible and ill-timed that words have not yet been created that can accurately summarize it.
I’m hoping with eleven episodes total, that the stories will be spread out and given more time from here on out, which would at least fix the problem of an absolute plot overload. Even with that problem out of the way, however, we still have the song and dance numbers…
EPISODE RATING: 3.5/10
It all begins with a drug raid. I suppose that’s as good as any way to start the first episode to a cop show: offer a bit of action to pull the viewer in, and just hope that they come back for more, time and time again. The inside of the raided house features at least a half-dozen junkies, probably more, and all of them are arrested. Two of the house’s inhabitants are Tyrone Weeks, a tenacious local drug dealer, and Patty Spence, a user who lives in the house with her baby daughter.
But let’s be honest here: action isn’t the first thing on the minds of most people sitting down to a viewing of “Cop Rock”. Most people are looking forward to the first choreographed musical number, and thankfully it doesn’t take long; right after Tyrone is arrested in the raid, he rapspeaks lyrics that, among other things, clearly state that he will be let go of his charges. It is amusing, and actually kind of cool, how bystanders also chime in to many of the songs, creating a choir effect--in this case, it’s in the form of several black gang members, as they join in Tyrone’s chorus of “In these streets, we have the power, we have the power, we have the power!” The cops finally manage to toss him into the car and drive off.
Now, by this point, we are still on the fence about this whole project: it’s stupid, but still kind of cool. That is, until Randy fuckin’ Newman is shown sitting at a piano, singing the show’s terrible theme, called “Under the Gun”, while several out-of-character cast members watch and nod their heads in approval. It’s an awfully misconceived introduction that, aside from the gun at the beginning, has nothing to do with either “cops”, nor “rock”, and lead to some unintentional guffaws from my wife and I. It’s the first moment where just how dumb of an idea this is suddenly hits you, and unfortunately for the show, it starts around the three minute mark. It also reflects poorly on the Emmy’s, who actually gave this piece-of-shit song an award. Just one of many reasons to proudly say: Fuck the Emmy’s.
After that bit of embarrassment, we’re back to the main story. Sure enough, Tyrone is returned to the streets thanks to a lack of evidence, and overcrowded jails…that same day, he ends up killing a police officer who was giving chase to his van. The fallen officer is Gilbert Braden, partner to Frank Rose, who stands over his body and screams for help. Much to my relief, there are no songs sung here.
Now we go back to check on Patty, whose daughter is being taken away from her. For reasons unknown, female officer Vicki Hill, who pities the young addict, pulls some strings and has her baby daughter returned to her. Despite this nice gesture, Patty still refuses to cut drugs out of her life, instead reassuring Vicki that she will “cut back”. I’m sure that’s just what she wanted to hear. But Vicki herself is battling personal issues--namely an attraction to her partner, and a marriage to a rather fat and unattractive man, who belts out a song about how, out of all men, “she chose me”. It’s every bit as bad and as misplaced as you would think it would be.
Jesus, the plot points are so ridiculous that I’m just going to bullet-point them in an effort to summarize them way quicker:
- The mayor of the city, who wants to build a new jail thanks to overcrowding in the prison system, accepts a bribe, via song, and gives the contractor the job to build the jail.
- Detective LaRussso fakes an injury while testifying against a drug dealer to give his story more weight…sure enough, it works.
- Patty offers information on Tyrone in exchange for drug money, because she is desperate. She is initially given $50, but is quickly cut off when her leads turn out to be false. So she does what any struggling mother would do: sell her baby for a whopping $200 (complete with song)., even though she spends the rest of the episode fighting to keep it (?)
- LaRusso and his partner, Potts, discover where Tyrone is hiding, and grab a warrant to bust him, only to find that other cops have already nabbed him, meaning he is being held on his property illegally, thus canceling the warrant. Angered, LaRusso shoots and kills Tyrone, planting a machine gun on him to give the appearance of self-defense. But Captain Hollander isn’t convinced of the “self-defense” theory, and insinuates that he would like to bring LaRusso to justice.
Phew! And all this happens in a scant 48 minutes! Even without the nonsensical dance routines this would be a lot to stomach--but with them, it’s way too much. Really, this first episode, while no doubt laying the foundation for the entire season, bites off way more than it can chew--many characters are in and out within two minutes of screen time, which doesn’t give you much time to get to “know” any of the cops-turned-theater-stars. This, even moreso than the bizarre blend of singing, and police procedural, is probably the biggest turn-off of the pilot, as no single person or plot point is given any time to resonate.
I also made the mistake of being turned on to this series thanks to the track “He’s Guilty”, which is actually pretty badass. The more I learn about this show, however, it’s quickly becoming apparent that good songs are more the exception than the rule. To wit, the gospel-tinged “I’m Guilty” is far and away the best (with jurors donning gospel choir garb and adding background vocals), while “The Bribery Song” is forgettable, the opening “In These Streets” is okay, and “She Chose Me” is so terrible and ill-timed that words have not yet been created that can accurately summarize it.
I’m hoping with eleven episodes total, that the stories will be spread out and given more time from here on out, which would at least fix the problem of an absolute plot overload. Even with that problem out of the way, however, we still have the song and dance numbers…
EPISODE RATING: 3.5/10
FULL EPISODE
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