Eerie, Indiana S1, E1: Foreverware

Whoops! Looks like I missed "TV Tuesday". Don't even have a good excuse, especially since I pretty much had the post ready in advance. Oh well, it's just a day late...and better late than never, right guys?!

Starring:
Omri Katz as Marshall Teller
Justin Shenkarow as Simon Holmes
Mary-Margaret Humes as Marilyn Teller
Louan Gideon as Betty Wilson
Nathan Schultz as Bertram Wilson
Nicholas Schultz as Ernest Wilson
Francis Guinan as Edgar Teller
Julie Condra as Syndi Teller

Written by: Jose Rivera and Karl Schaefer
Directed by: Joe Dante

My, what a way for a show geared toward younger children to kick off. “Foreverware” was the only episode I ever remember watching from its initial run, and the memories were strong enough for me to not only want to revisit this particular installment, but the entire series as a whole. It’s bizarre, and rather gutsy for a kid’s show, and those are probably two good reasons that it never took off.

In “Foreverware”, we are introduced to Marshall Teller (played by Omri Katz), whose parents decided to get away from the violence of New Jersey (“just across the river from New York City”) by moving to the town of Eerie, Indiana, “a town so wholesome, so squeaky clean, you could only find it on TV.” But things in Eerie aren’t so normal after all, and within mere seconds of the family moving in, they are greeted by a freakishly upbeat woman by the name of Betty Wilson, who seems rather desperate to sell her product to Marshall’s mom, via a product party.

That product is “Foreverware”, an alternate to Tupperware that’s so strong, it can keep anything fresh forever. As a test, she gives the family a bologna sandwich from 1974, which looks like it had just been made earlier that day (as good as it looks and smells, though, no one dares to try it). Marshall gets a creepy vibe from her mother’s new friend, and using a clue from Betty's creepy twin sons, teams up with his friend, Simon Holmes, to get to the bottom of the mystery.

And what a mystery it is! One of the sons hands him a note that says “Yearbook 1964”, so Simon and Marshall go to a library and pull up a local school's yearbook from that year. What do they find? It seems that Betty's sons went to that school almost thirty years ago...and look exactly the same as they do now! Intrigued, the detective duo sneak over to Betty's house where they see her...sealing her sons inside two huge Foreverware containers! I guess when she said it can keep anything fresh, she meant it!

Together with the sons, who have grown tired of repeating the same year of school over and over again, Marshall concocts a plan to remove them from their vacuum-sealed slumber so that they can age and die the way nature intended. This definitely isn't your typical kiddie show.

One thing I'm liking about “Eerie, Indiana” is that, unlike many shows geared toward younger audiences, it doesn't consist of over-the-top color palettes and ridiculous overacting. Well, Betty and her posse are, but they exist as parodies of women who throw “product parties”, which were big back then, and seem to only be growing in popularity as the years go on. Other than that, though, the characters are played rather straight and normal, which is probably another reason that the show failed to be a hit with its target demographic.

This episode didn't really suck me in all that much, but it's rare for a show to do that having seen just one ep, so I'm not holding that against it. The idea itself is weirdly wonderful, and I can't even imagine an adult show attempt something so off-the-wall, but there's just something...too straightforward about its execution that left me wanting a lot more. It isn't flashy or stylish, it isn't particularly well-written...it's just a single inspired idea wrapped up around a lot of uninspiration. Marshall Teller has nothing that makes him stand out as a great main character, and his nerdy friend Simon is entirely forgettable. Marshall's family is also the stereotypical television family, with his hot blonde sister who barely has any lines, and the nerdy, out-of-touch parents. It's not exactly a recipe for excitement no matter how much you're looking forward to watching this series.

Granted, these are observations after just one episode, so maybe it will find its footing and these things will end up growing on me. Or then again, maybe it never will and it was rightfully canceled after just eighteen episodes (the nineteenth episode wasn't added to the series until syndication).  But whatever its ultimate fate is, you've gotta give it some credit for scorning the mainstream and trying something new. That, in and of itself, is always special. 

And always ensures swift cancellation.

RATING: 6/10

FULL EPISODE

Perversions of Science S1, E1: Dream of Doom

Starring:
Keith Carradine as Arthur Bristol
Lolita Davidovich as Doctor/Arthur's Wife/Arthur's Daughter/Hooker
Gretchen Palmer as Receptionist/Arthur's Wife/Student/Stripper
Adam Arkin as Paul Danko
Peter Jason as Priest
Lin Shaye as Nurse
Maureen Teefy as Chrome

Written by: David S. Goyer, based on the comic book "Weird Science" by William M. Gaines

Directed by: Walter Hill

Keith Carradine plays Arthur Bristol, a man who has quite the problem: he cannot wake up from his dreams. Any time he “wakes up”, he is caught inside another one, and so on and so forth, indefinitely. We are immediately thrust in to his situation, as he sits in a doctor’s waiting room, desperate to get help. A little while later, a black woman enters, and informs him that the doctor is ready to see him. He goes into the doctor’s office, and is met by a red-haired doctor (Lolita Davidovich), who runs through his life’s milestones before asking him what is wrong. He is a 40 year old professor, married with no children, and once divorced.

He tells her his problem, only to “awaken” again, inside the same waiting room. The same black woman notifies him that the doctor is ready to see him. He enters into the doctor’s office again, and this time goes into a little more detail: he entered a government-funded sleep study out of pure boredom. The government was attempting to create a drug that could put its subjects into an immediate state of lucid dreaming. The doctor informs Arthur that studies have proven long-term states of dreaming can induce psychosis, and then proceeds to stand up, and put a gun to her head, squeezing the trigger.

Arthur wakes up again, this time next to his wife, who is also played by Lolita Davidovich. He informs her that he had a bad dream, and she tries to soothe him, falling asleep in the process. Arthur goes to check the time, only to discover his clock is running backwards, one of the traits of a dream his doctor described to him. When he “wakes” up again, he comes home to his wife in the shower. But now, his wife isn‘t Lolita Davidovich, but the same black woman (Gretchen Palmer) from his doctor‘s office! And so the story goes on, with the same characters cutting in and out of his dreams, playing different parts.

Somewhere in all of this, Arthur has a heart attack. Could this have something to do with his constant state of dreaming…perhaps he is in a coma, and all of his dreams are merely his brain fighting to stay alive? Interestingly, none of this is explored; everything is kept as mysterious and as ambiguous as possible, until a final reveal that simultaneously sent chills down my spine, while ultimately revealing nothing.

This is actually the perfect start to the series, one that avoids all the pitfalls that later episodes would fall into; namely that this series has literally zero budget, and many future episodes seemed to rely on ideas and effects that the budget simply couldn’t match. “Dream of Doom” features no outlandish special effects, yet makes up for it with a very simple, yet intriguing, premise. Keith Carradine, as Arthur, is solid in the role, as a man who’s legitimately confused about his situation, and desperately trying to come to grips with it, before it's too late.  The "what's-real-what's-not?" atmosphere makes for an engrossing experience that sucks you in, while also providing a real dose of legitimate unpredictability.

“Perversions of Science” was always wildly uneven, but the most frustrating thing about all of it was that it occasionally (read: very rarely) showed flashes of brilliance. This episode is one of them, and, in a bit of unfortunate foreshadowing, the closest example of near-perfection it was ever able to obtain.

EPISODE RATING: 8/10.

FULL EPISODE

Cop Rock, S1E1: Pilot

Starring:
Anne Bobby as Off. Vicki Quinn
Barbara Bosson as Mayor Louise Plank
Ronny Cox as Chief Roger Kendrick
David Gianopoulos as Off. Andy Campo
Larry Joshua as Capt. John Hollander
James McDaniel as Off. Franklin Rose
Ron McLarty as Ralph Ruskin
Mick Murray as Det. Joseph Gaines
Peter Onorati as Det. Vincent LaRusso

Written by: William M. Finkelstein and Stephen Bochco

Directed by: Gregory Hoblit

It all begins with a drug raid.  I suppose that’s as good as any way to start the first episode to a cop show: offer a bit of action to pull the viewer in, and just hope that they come back for more, time and time again.  The inside of the raided house features at least a half-dozen junkies, probably more, and all of them are arrested.  Two of the house’s inhabitants are Tyrone Weeks, a tenacious local drug dealer, and Patty Spence, a user who lives in the house with her baby daughter.

But let’s be honest here: action isn’t the first thing on the minds of most people sitting down to a viewing of “Cop Rock”.  Most people are looking forward to the first choreographed musical number, and thankfully it doesn’t take long; right after Tyrone is arrested in the raid, he rapspeaks lyrics that, among other things, clearly state that he will be let go of his charges.  It is amusing, and actually kind of cool, how bystanders also chime in to many of the songs, creating a choir effect--in this case, it’s in the form of several black gang members, as they join in Tyrone’s chorus of “In these streets, we have the power, we have the power, we have the power!”  The cops finally manage to toss him into the car and drive off.

Now, by this point, we are still on the fence about this whole project: it’s stupid, but still kind of cool.  That is, until Randy fuckin’ Newman is shown sitting at a piano, singing the show’s terrible theme, called “Under the Gun”, while several out-of-character cast members watch and nod their heads in approval.  It’s an awfully misconceived introduction that, aside from the gun at the beginning, has nothing to do with either “cops”, nor “rock”, and lead to some unintentional guffaws from my wife and I.  It’s the first moment where just how dumb of an idea this is suddenly hits you, and unfortunately for the show, it starts around the three minute mark.  It also reflects poorly on the Emmy’s, who actually gave this piece-of-shit song an award.  Just one of many reasons to proudly say: Fuck the Emmy’s.

After that bit of embarrassment, we’re back to the main story.  Sure enough, Tyrone is returned to the streets thanks to a lack of evidence, and overcrowded jails…that same day, he ends up killing a police officer who was giving chase to his van.  The fallen officer is Gilbert Braden, partner to Frank Rose, who stands over his body and screams for help.  Much to my relief, there are no songs sung here.

Now we go back to check on Patty, whose daughter is being taken away from her.  For reasons unknown, female officer Vicki Hill, who pities the young addict, pulls some strings and has her baby daughter returned to her.  Despite this nice gesture, Patty still refuses to cut drugs out of her life, instead reassuring Vicki that she will “cut back”.  I’m sure that’s just what she wanted to hear.  But Vicki herself is battling personal issues--namely an attraction to her partner, and a marriage to a rather fat and unattractive man, who belts out a song about how, out of all men, “she chose me”.  It’s every bit as bad and as misplaced as you would think it would be.

Jesus, the plot points are so ridiculous that I’m just going to bullet-point them in an effort to summarize them way quicker:

• The mayor of the city, who wants to build a new jail thanks to overcrowding in the prison system, accepts a bribe, via song, and gives the contractor the job to build the jail.
• Detective LaRussso fakes an injury while testifying against a drug dealer to give his story more weight…sure enough, it works.
• Patty offers information on Tyrone in exchange for drug money, because she is desperate.  She is initially given $50, but is quickly cut off when her leads turn out to be false.  So she does what any struggling mother would do: sell her baby for a whopping $200 (complete with song)., even though she spends the rest of the episode fighting to keep it (?)
• LaRusso and his partner, Potts, discover where Tyrone is hiding, and grab a warrant to bust him, only to find that other cops have already nabbed him, meaning he is being held on his property illegally, thus canceling the warrant.  Angered, LaRusso shoots and kills Tyrone, planting a machine gun on him to give the appearance of self-defense.  But Captain Hollander isn’t convinced of the “self-defense” theory, and insinuates that he would like to bring LaRusso to justice.

Phew!  And all this happens in a scant 48 minutes!  Even without the nonsensical dance routines this would be a lot to stomach--but with them, it’s way too much.  Really, this first episode, while no doubt laying the foundation for the entire season, bites off way more than it can chew--many characters are in and out within two minutes of screen time, which doesn’t give you much time to get to “know” any of the cops-turned-theater-stars.  This, even moreso than the bizarre blend of singing, and police procedural, is probably the biggest turn-off of the pilot, as no single person or plot point is given any time to resonate.

I also made the mistake of being turned on to this series thanks to the track “He’s Guilty”, which is actually pretty badass.  The more I learn about this show, however, it’s quickly becoming apparent that good songs are more the exception than the rule.  To wit, the gospel-tinged “I’m Guilty” is far and away the best (with jurors donning gospel choir garb and adding background vocals), while “The Bribery Song” is forgettable, the opening “In These Streets” is okay, and “She Chose Me” is so terrible and ill-timed that words have not yet been created that can accurately summarize it.

I’m hoping with eleven episodes total, that the stories will be spread out and given more time from here on out, which would at least fix the problem of an absolute plot overload.  Even with that problem out of the way, however, we still have the song and dance numbers…

EPISODE RATING: 3.5/10

FULL EPISODE