Writer(s): Emily Golden and John-Eliot Jordan, from the novel by Miralee Ferrell
Starring: Danielle C. Ryan, Trevor Donovan, Galadriel Stineman, and Tatum O'Neal
I feel like I’m starting to become a
lame holiday movie, because reviewing them has made me feel like the
repetitive robot all of them aspire to be: I find myself using the
same words and phrases, trying to convey just how bland and
repetitive they all seem to be.
For example, I could open every single
plot synopsis with “Stop me if you’ve heard this one before,”
because they all follow the same ten or so basic plot outlines, with
just enough minor variations to slightly distance themselves from one
another. And Runaway Romance is certainly not one to buck that trend.
In it, Danielle Ryan plays Ann Stanway, a popular reality star on the
popular reality show, “Life With the Adsons”, where she plays the
girlfriend opposite Beau Davidson’s Scott Adson, while wearing a
godawful wig.
Behind the scenes is Veronica Adson
(Tatum O’Neal), Scott’s domineering mother who also controls the
show, under the guise of wanting to do “what’s best” for her
son—assuming it improves ratings, that is. So when numbers are
staying stagnant with Ann, Veronica feels it’s time to replace her
with another up-and-coming star, a notion that doesn’t seem to
bother Scott one bit. (At least until the idea fails, but we all knew that was coming.)
In response to this, Ann flees L.A.,
winding up in Cave City, KY after her car breaks down, which is much
closer to her hometown of Pennsylvania than the spotlights of LA. She
bumps into an inn owned by Sarah Miller, a young Amish woman who
annoyingly never uses contractions, and whose sentences seem to take
a full decade to fully spit out (do the Amish really speak like that
these days?) Annoying traits aside, she is kindhearted, allowing Ann
to stay there until she can get her situation worked out, which of
course, she can’t reveal to anyone because she has to hide her true
self. (Thankfully, though, she loses the wig, which makes her look
much more natural.)
The first character she meets is Jimmy,
an awkward little man who is clearly interested in Ann from the
outset, although Ann seems (rightfully) apprehensive. Just when I
thought this might be a chore to wade through, I learn this is about
the closest thing to a red herring you’ll ever find in a
Hallmark-ish movie: he’s not the love interest after all! Instead,
that honor goes to Hunter, an architect who checks all the boxes of a
male lead: single, attractive, and successful. And who wouldn’t
want a piece of that? As it turns out, even reality stars can be
wooed by normal peasants!
Ann and Hunter’s blossoming
relationship takes a hit, though, when that little weasel Jimmy—who
himself dreams of being a reality star—takes her rejection a little
too personal, and rats out her location to the press! Oh Jimmy,
that’s not the way to a girl’s heart! Mild, family-oriented
hijinx ensue.
This movie is actually one of the
better non-funny holiday movies that we’ve seen up to this point,
thanks to a good cast, who all band together to help detract from an
idea we’ve all seen a thousand different times. Beau Davidson is
perfectly douchey as Scott, while Tatum O’Neal’s Veronica is
slimy as his domineering mother. The main stars are likable enough to
cheer for, and the remaining cast manages to be competent, which
can’t always be said for these clichéd love tales.
Ken Strunk, though, deserves special
mention in a thankless role as Abraham Troyer, the old bishop, or
whatever the hell Amish “masters” are known as; he rides around
on his horse, chastising Sarah for wasting her time and energy
running a failing inn when she should be married and settled down,
and threatening to close the joint down after she takes in the
non-Amish Ann. Although he could be seen as a villain, Strunk injects
just enough humanity into his caricature that he merely seems like
what he is: an old man steadfast and unwavering in his beliefs,
rather than a one-note character who’s merely out to create
obstacles for the main stars to overcome. (There’s a scene later on
where the media, tipped off by Jimmy (which I guess could count as a
spoiler, but you should already know that was going to happen),
descends upon the small Amish town. Abraham’s reaction—one of
complete devastation and disbelief—is so genuine that you actually
feel bad for him, despite the culture-based “crudeness” of his
character.)
Even though this was better than some,
it’s still little more than a by-the-numbers romp through formulaic
territory that certainly won’t port any new fans over to these
saccharine gag-fests. There are much better out there no matter your
thoughts, but you can do worse if this is what you (or, more likely,
your significant other) decides to force down your throat.
RATING: 6/10
TRAILER
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