Writer(s): David Cohen
Starring: Luke Evans, Gary Grubbs, Adelaide Clemens, and Derek Magyar
Pretty much the only thing you need to
know about No One Lives, and the type of person it was created
for, occurs within the first thirty seconds, even before the opening
credits start to roll. That’s when a familiar, and rather
unexpected, logo pops up from one of the production companies: WWE
Studios. Yes, that WWE; as in, “World Wrestling
Entertainment”, where big meaty guys fake beat on other big meaty
guys.
Well, obviously that describes pretty
much every action movie, but it especially describes this
action movie, which, just like wrestling, frequently alternates
between “wow, that was incredibly stupid” and “wow, that was
kinda cool”—oftentimes within the same five second span. A
perfect example: there’s a scene where a character, hiding from
some bad guys who want to do him in, hides inside the dead body of
another criminal. It’s one thing for someone to come up with
that idea, but what kind of person would actually include it in the
script? And yet, as completely illogical and ignorant as it is,
there's a small part of me that can't help but think it's a ballsy
move that borders on brilliant.
I can’t divulge much information
about the plot, which offers up an initial twist just a few minutes
in that completely changes the story (and that you should probably
avoid reading about until after a watch), but basically it involves
Luke Evans playing an untitled character (known only as “Driver”)
who kills anyone who gets in his way. However, unlike Downrange, also
directed by Kitamura, the violence is meant to be so over-the-top
that you can't possibly take it seriously (as you can tell from the
above example).
That's pretty much it. Think of it as
an action movie by way of slasher: the movie gets all its kicks from
delivering a variety of ways the Driver can off the stereotypical
collection of bad guys. While that might sound pretty cool (and will
no doubt appeal to a certain percentage of the masses), the
unfortunate side effect of this is that there's literally no tension
whatsoever. None. The Driver dispatches his foes with the utmost ease
at every turn, making you wonder just why anyone thought dragging
this out to feature length was a good idea. The end result is an
uneven blend of boundless stupidity and occasional brilliance,
simmered in a broth of almost mind-numbing monotony.
The one thing that still impresses me
about Kitamura is his propensity to “play” with the material, and
challenge audience expectations in a way few filmmakers seem to want
to these days. For example, you think this is just going to be a
straightforward “couple gets abducted and he fights back” tale,
but there are so many story shifts—both major and subtle—that you
eventually just stop guessing what's going to happen next, and submit
yourself to Kitamura's wiles. Granted, his “twists”, while
unpredictable, don’t actually always work within the
confines of the story, but bless him for at least trying to
tread new life into tired ideas…that’s more than I can say for
many of these cookie-cutter “action” directors working today.
(Also, at least it's not another officially-licensed superhero
movie.)
I suppose I can kind of see its appeal,
and how some people can be won over by its formula, but ultimately, I
simply found it to be too stupid for its own good. So much so that
not even a solid director with a unique approach—and admirable
visual flair—can save it from itself.
RATING: 4/10
TRAILER (RED BAND)
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