A Winter Romance (aka Colors of Love) (2021)

Director: Bradley Walsh
Writer(s): Emily Golden
Starring: Jessica Lowndes, Chad Michael Murray, Dennis Andres and Michael Brown

Taylor Harris (it’s a she) is a librarian who loves to research boring historical topics, as we learn in the over-the-top opening scene where she disproves some kind of historical theory just from reading excerpts from a book, while exchanging over-the-top cringe-smiles with her research partner. But that campy happiness is short-lived,when her boss informs her - in the middle of the library and rather nonchalantly - that funding for the library has been cut, and she is being let go.

She turns to her brother for support, and that’s when he offers her the chance to stay with him and his wife, in Forest Ridge, or whatever the dumb small town is called. She is initially reluctant, but thankfully (is that the right word) agrees to go just so that we have something to watch, besides her looking for jobs during the day, and crying herself to sleep every night.

Tragedy strikes poor Taylor immediately, when during her trek - on dry pavement and during a very mild autumn day - she somehow hits “black ice” and is thrust off the road. Common sense dictates that whoever shows up first is the one she will end up falling for: If that’s the case, it’s Chad Michael Murray! Well, it’s technically Joel, but he is played by Chad Michael Murray. 

Joel is a man who has made millions in the tech industry of California, and is in Forest Ridge to turn one of their antiquated hotels into a popular tourist destination. This could potentially be a good idea for a number of reasons - bringing extra jobs to the city, as well as loads of extra money - but of course the old-fashioned townsfolk are quick to refuse the idea. That hotel, the Graff, holds so many good memories that they don’t want to see it turned into some sort of fancy resort.

But why is Joel targeting Forest Ridge out of all the other podunk villages in the world? Why, because he himself was raised there! Gasp! 

Taylor takes a liking to Joel, obviously unaware of both his status as a “tech bro” - namely, a douchebag who makes a vast majority of his money in the technology sector (and the type of person Taylor randomly swears off, unprovoked, in a conversion to her friend) - and as the man looking to renovate the beloved hotel. Why would she care? Well, because her own brother works at the Graff as a maintenance man, of course! And he is certain that Joel will wipe out the entire staff if he gets his way. 

The only way to save the hotel? To prove that it has past significance to the town, which will then allow it to be registered as a “historical landmark”, thus allowing the city to protect its status and block Joel from gutting it. Hmm…remember when I said Taylor was good at researching things, and how she works at a library? I wonder if she might be the one to find some kind of tie between history and the Graff!

But this puts her in an odd predicament, where she must test her loyalty to her brother, while simultaneously trying to appease the man whom she’s falling in love with. And as these bits of disgustingly escapist entertainment never allow for even a shred of negativity, we know it's all going to end with all of the characters getting exactly what they want, and living a (presumably) happy life together.

Chad Michael Murray is likable as Joel, but this one is just a wayward mess, taking itself far too seriously than it should, and relying far too much on Lowndes's forced smile to carry things along. It's not great, but there's enough here to warrant at least a viewing, assuming either nothing else is available, or you're just looking for some mindless background noise.

ENTERTAINMENT RATING: 5/10

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REPETITIVE ROMANCE: Runaway Romance (2018)

Director: Brian Herzlinger
Writer(s): Emily Golden and John-Eliot Jordan, from the novel by Miralee Ferrell
Starring: Danielle C. Ryan, Trevor Donovan, Galadriel Stineman, and Tatum O'Neal

I feel like I’m starting to become a lame holiday movie, because reviewing them has made me feel like the repetitive robot all of them aspire to be: I find myself using the same words and phrases, trying to convey just how bland and repetitive they all seem to be.

For example, I could open every single plot synopsis with “Stop me if you’ve heard this one before,” because they all follow the same ten or so basic plot outlines, with just enough minor variations to slightly distance themselves from one another. And Runaway Romance is certainly not one to buck that trend. In it, Danielle Ryan plays Ann Stanway, a popular reality star on the popular reality show, “Life With the Adsons”, where she plays the girlfriend opposite Beau Davidson’s Scott Adson, while wearing a godawful wig.

Behind the scenes is Veronica Adson (Tatum O’Neal), Scott’s domineering mother who also controls the show, under the guise of wanting to do “what’s best” for her son—assuming it improves ratings, that is. So when numbers are staying stagnant with Ann, Veronica feels it’s time to replace her with another up-and-coming star, a notion that doesn’t seem to bother Scott one bit. (At least until the idea fails, but we all knew that was coming.)

In response to this, Ann flees L.A., winding up in Cave City, KY after her car breaks down, which is much closer to her hometown of Pennsylvania than the spotlights of LA. She bumps into an inn owned by Sarah Miller, a young Amish woman who annoyingly never uses contractions, and whose sentences seem to take a full decade to fully spit out (do the Amish really speak like that these days?) Annoying traits aside, she is kindhearted, allowing Ann to stay there until she can get her situation worked out, which of course, she can’t reveal to anyone because she has to hide her true self. (Thankfully, though, she loses the wig, which makes her look much more natural.)

The first character she meets is Jimmy, an awkward little man who is clearly interested in Ann from the outset, although Ann seems (rightfully) apprehensive. Just when I thought this might be a chore to wade through, I learn this is about the closest thing to a red herring you’ll ever find in a Hallmark-ish movie: he’s not the love interest after all! Instead, that honor goes to Hunter, an architect who checks all the boxes of a male lead: single, attractive, and successful. And who wouldn’t want a piece of that? As it turns out, even reality stars can be wooed by normal peasants!

Ann and Hunter’s blossoming relationship takes a hit, though, when that little weasel Jimmy—who himself dreams of being a reality star—takes her rejection a little too personal, and rats out her location to the press! Oh Jimmy, that’s not the way to a girl’s heart! Mild, family-oriented hijinx ensue.

This movie is actually one of the better non-funny holiday movies that we’ve seen up to this point, thanks to a good cast, who all band together to help detract from an idea we’ve all seen a thousand different times. Beau Davidson is perfectly douchey as Scott, while Tatum O’Neal’s Veronica is slimy as his domineering mother. The main stars are likable enough to cheer for, and the remaining cast manages to be competent, which can’t always be said for these clichéd love tales.

Ken Strunk, though, deserves special mention in a thankless role as Abraham Troyer, the old bishop, or whatever the hell Amish “masters” are known as; he rides around on his horse, chastising Sarah for wasting her time and energy running a failing inn when she should be married and settled down, and threatening to close the joint down after she takes in the non-Amish Ann. Although he could be seen as a villain, Strunk injects just enough humanity into his caricature that he merely seems like what he is: an old man steadfast and unwavering in his beliefs, rather than a one-note character who’s merely out to create obstacles for the main stars to overcome. (There’s a scene later on where the media, tipped off by Jimmy (which I guess could count as a spoiler, but you should already know that was going to happen), descends upon the small Amish town. Abraham’s reaction—one of complete devastation and disbelief—is so genuine that you actually feel bad for him, despite the culture-based “crudeness” of his character.)

Even though this was better than some, it’s still little more than a by-the-numbers romp through formulaic territory that certainly won’t port any new fans over to these saccharine gag-fests. There are much better out there no matter your thoughts, but you can do worse if this is what you (or, more likely, your significant other) decides to force down your throat.

RATING: 6/10

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