Writer(s): Marcy Holland
Starring: Jana Kramer, Wes Brown, Faith Ford, and Trace Masters
I was just thinking about how this
holiday season has been pretty good to us in terms of movie
selection—Christmas Coupon notwithstanding—and so of
course it was time to run into one that tests the limits of human
patience like Christmas in Mississippi.
In this one, a photographer named Holly
(Jana Kramer) goes back to her hometown for Christmas, several years
after a horrific storm demolished most of it. She volunteers to help
out with the town’s annual Christmas light show—the first time
they will be doing it since that terrible hurricane. However, she has
second thoughts when she learns her high school boyfriend is running
the show…typical hijinx ensues. Oh, and this stupid bitch is also
randomly looking for the owner of a stuffed reindeer she finds on
a street, a plot point that is frequently forgotten about, at
least by the audience, who will have a hard enough time handling the
rest. Besides, who in the hell would care to find the owner of a
random crusty-ass toy that they found in the middle of a busy
street?!
This one blows, thanks to incredibly
stupid characters who go around assuming everything (at one point,
Holly nearly breaks apart a relationship because she completely makes
up a story surrounding an innocent event); an annoying mom character
(Faith Ford!) who tries hooking up her own daughter, yet is somehow
completely oblivious to the fact a man from town (Richard Karn!)
likes her; and an annoying kid character who can’t act, and is
unfortunately a big part of the stupid story (“Oh, look how great
Mike is for taking care of his brother’s child while he’s serving
in the military!”). I mean seriously, I wanted to punch the kid in
the face and throw him off a roof every time he appeared on screen.
It also commits the most foul of all
offenses, at least as far as I’m concerned: I can’t stand it when
they jam the perfection of the main character down your throat so far
that you virtually choke, just so you understand how “special”
and “selfless” they are. For example, when characters volunteer
at soup kitchens, or help an elderly woman across the street, or
visit sick kids at a hospital. Here, they do that with both
characters, cramming all of their accomplishments and selflessness in
your face every chance they get, as if the filmmakers couldn’t find
any other way to naturally present two good-hearted people without
rubbing your face in it. It's never cute: it's positively
gag-inducing.
I gotta admit, Jana Kramer grew on me
as the movie went on—she has a warm, attractive smile, and is the
best actor in this whole mess—but her character was so stupidly
written that I just couldn’t like her at all. This movie puts the
“miss” in “Mississippi”, that’s for sure.
STRAY OBSERVATIONS
- Wow, how romantic these two are, lugging the dumbass kid with them everywhere so he can ruin everyone’s mood.
- How is it so hard for actors to pretend to take drinks out of cups, or for propmasters to fill a cup with liquid? Pay close attention to cups in any of these movies, because usually they’re either empty, or characters won’t even accurately go through proper drinking motions.
- Also, dig that “milkshake” Mike makes for Holly, which literally comes out looking like chocolate milk. WHO’S IN CHARGE OF THESE GODDAMNED LIQUIDS ON SET?!
- Those are some depressing-ass photos to fill up a family diner with.
- Wow, Holly's a moron. Who agrees to hang out with someone the day they know they’re leaving, just to spare someone’s feelings? And if she cares about him so much, why didn’t she tell him the moment she found out?
- So glad you moved two tables out of the way so you could slow-dance in the same two-fucking-foot area.
OVERALL: 2.5/10
TRAILER
No comments:
Post a Comment