Writer(s): Jesse Mittelstadt
Starring: Jeni Ross, Mark Ghanime, Hamza Haq, and Kathryn Davis
Escape rooms seem to be all the rage in
recent times, with people apparently volunteering in droves to pay
money for the chance to be locked in a room with several other people
for an hour, and trying to use the clues contained inside to find a
way out. Since that basic idea already has the makings of a horror
movie built right in, it shouldn’t come as a shock to learn that
escape room movies are also all the rage (with the cleverly-titled
Escape Room hitting theaters earlier this year).
Enter No Escape Room (or don’t),
MarVista’s timely take on the growing fad. Amazingly, despite its
stupid setup and idiotic characters, this one actually had a chance
to be a decent movie, but it’s squandered on an ending that goes on
a few seconds too long (why do they always feel the need to do
that?), and an execution that leaves a lot to be desired.
Michael is a father who’s desperate
to connect with his high school daughter Karen. The problem is, she’s
going through her teenage rebellion phase, and thinks spending any
amount of time with her family is too much time (I love how movies
portray teenage rebellion all the exact same way: loud, angry music,
goth clothes, and dark makeup).
Conveniently, Michael’s car breaks
down in the middle of a Podunk little town with very few attractions.
They seek out some food at a local diner, where Michael flips through
the town newspaper, hoping to find something that will allow him to
connect on a deeper level with his offspring. After a few “out of
touch” suggestions, Michael finally hits the nail on the head: he
remembers Karen mentioning that she wanted to try an escape room,
which lo and behold this teeny town happens to have. Ignoring the
ominous warning from the old diner waitress (which is then passed off
as a joke, hee haw), Michael decides that pleasing his piece of shit
daughter is worth it, and before you know it, they are on the way!
The place is hard to find, secluded,
unmarked, and apparently completely free (there is no cashier, and
the only worker seems to be a young woman with fashion choices five
decades out of touch), but none of these things seem to raise
suspicion from either father or daughter. They aren't the only dumb
ones unable to know a trap when they see one: soon, the duo meet up
with three other individuals, where they are given a quick rundown by
the lone mystery woman, along with a weird beverage that’s meant to
“enhance” the experience, and then asked to sign consent forms.
Nope, no additional red flags here. (And no, the weird beverage actually has nothing to do with
the rest of the movie.)
Basically, they have an hour to solve
the puzzle, before they supposedly will go mad from terror, something
that is, of course, presented as part of the fun; if at any point
they want to stop, they just have to yell the word “awake” and
they will be let out of the room. One of the men in the group, a
douchebag named Ty who was there for his girlfriend’s birthday but
clearly didn’t want to be, flips out and yells “awake” before
the “game” even starts; the doors open and he is taken out of the
room, where presumably he pays the cashier, gets into his car, and
drives home. Only, none of those things happen, because, as we learn
later, there’s something much more sinister with this game than
meets the eye. You know, something we didn’t already know from
reading the plot synopsis, or knowing this was a horror movie.
Once the "game" begins, the characters must work together to solve puzzles that allow them to gain keys and combinations allowing them to move onto the next room, much in the same way actual escape rooms function. But with each passing room brings more terror, and as the number of characters slowly start to dwindle, the remaining survivors start to wonder if they're even playing a game at all...
As I said, there are some things No
Escape Room has going for it: An extended sequence that finds
Karen in a morgue-themed room reminds one of the entirety of Autopsy
of Jane Doe in its effective use of sounds, and rather unsettling
atmosphere. It’s an admittedly powerful scene, the likes of which
are never even remotely replicated anywhere else; it’s almost as if
the main director called off sick on that day of filming and had
someone with actual experience take over. Without delving too deep
into spoilers, the direction the plot heads in is actually pretty
intriguing, with some allusions to time travel brought in later on;
unfortunately, that idea isn’t really fully fleshed out, and so
we’re left with an ending that feels unfinished more than it does
ambiguous.
This one has its fair share of
“MarVista moments” (i.e. moments that run the gamut from either
making you laugh when you shouldn’t, or throwing your TV out your
window from sheer frustration), but the atmosphere is never really
“fun”, which I guess works in its favor as a horror movie, but
against it as below-average entertainment, as the viewer has nothing
to really “cling” to during its predictable moments. The death
scenes deserve some credit for attempting something unique, but once
again the writer doesn't seem to be fully in control of where he
wants to take his own idea, and so they don't have the impact that
they could have had.
In the end, No Escape Room is
about what you were expecting: an uninspiring romp through horror
movie cliches, wrapped in the appeal of a current fad. What's most
unfortunate about it, though, are the frustrating hints of what it
could have been: the moment when the movie reaches peak
effectiveness, or presents an engaging idea, only to abandon it,
instead falling back into the safety of formulaic predictability, from which it itself can never escape.
STRAY OBSERVATIONS
(POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD)
- “How long have we been in this room?” Well, there is a countdown timer, as well as a clock, right there on the wall, so...
- What a great dad he is, helping his daughter gain access to a wing of the house that's inaccessible by everyone else, leaving her to wander unfamiliar halls in an evil house alone.
- Wow, being wrapped in those chains apparently turn you retarded.
- (Door slams shut; several people try opening it several times each) “It's locked.”
- My wife, concerning the ending: “So the rest of their lives they're just going to be opening locks together?”
- One thing I think I've failed to mention about MarVista movies that is most intriguing to me, is that, no matter how bad the movies themselves are, they are all competently shot.
- This is another rare MarVista movie that doesn't seem to have an alternate title.
ENTERTAINMENT RATING: 5/10
TRAILER
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