CHRISTMAS CAPSULES: Christmas Wedding Planner (2017)

Okay, it's probably unfair to even rate this, considering we only made it about ten minutes in before we canceled our Netflix subscription, smashed our television set, and gouged out our eyes to prevent ourselves from ever having to witness something so cruel and unusual again; don't consider this a “review” so much as a warning.

This is awful. It's the kind of movie that thinks all it takes to make people laugh are to have two characters run into each other, something that honestly happens three times in the small window of time we were watching. It's the kind of movie that somehow wants to overcome you with holiday cheer, yet throws in characters so despicable that you want to murder them. Of course, I'm sure by the end said characters realize the errors of their ways and make a complete 180, but you shouldn't make your movie feel like an obstacle course to get that far.

It's a shame, too, because lead Jocelyn Hudon is beautiful—one of the cutest girls I've ever seen in a schmaltzy holiday role--but is completely lost amongst the schticky acting and tired story. In this, Hudon is Kelsey, an up-and-coming wedding planner whose first job is also her biggest: Planning her cousin's extravagant wedding. But when she runs into a slightly attractive mega-douche Connor (who even has the douchiest name imaginable!), her world is overturned. Well, not at first, because they hate each other, but something tells me the spirit of Christmas will help change their tune! 

Lots of Disney-grade acting (in the defense of those, they are for pre-pubescent children), coincidences (oh, the man that bought the last scone at the coffeeshop is the cousin's ex-boyfriend?), and totally illogical scenes follow, such as when Kelsey is tasked with removing the mega-douche from a wedding party, even though the guy seems amicably there by all counts. And it's all within the first ten minutes. The idea that this could go on for almost 9 times that length something that most humans cannot fathom. For die-hard, unassuming fans of this kind of movie only.

RATING: 0.5/10 

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CHRISTMAS CAPSULES: Christmas With a View (2018)

Clara is the manager of a restaurant in a small town who dreams one day of owning her own. Shane is a “celebrity” chef whose claim to fame is winning a popular cooking show. Of course, instead of moving to LA and taking advantage of his newfound fame, he instead settles down in Clara's small town to try to answer a question that has puzzled him his whole life. Surely sparks must fly, right?

Complicating matters is Clara's sleazy boss, who makes plans of buying a property and making Clara the owner if she helps him to seal the deal. But, of course, Shane's prying only seems like jealousy to Clara (although why a celebrity chef would be jealous of someone else's success doesn't really add up), who pushes him away in order to pursue her dreams. Will she find out the truth about her sleazy boss? Or will she end up giving love away for her own selfish pursuits?

The story weaves its way through increasingly ridiculous twists and turns, mainly thanks to Clara's naivety, and there are more than enough sequences that will make all but the most dire Christmas romance aficianados reach for the “stop” button. But it does benefit from above-average acting (for this type of movie), and very good-looking leads that at least help to take the edge off the annoying story.

Even with the lowered expectations that come along with this type of film, it's not very good, but there's enough there that you should at least be able to finish it; at the very least, would make good background noise for a Christmas party, or other holiday festivities where paying close attention wouldn't be required.

On a side note: Have I been lied to about what a Harlequin novel is? I'm noticing a lot of Christmas movies based off of them lately--this one proudly touts it on the poster--but those novels have the reputation of being sex-filled romps. Are there separate kinds of Harlequin novels, or are these movie cash grabs watering down the source material for family-friendly holiday fun? I'm too lazy to research this, so please feel free to answer in the comments.

RATING: 5/10

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