Perversions of Science, S1, E10: People's Choice

Starring:

Patrick Cassidy as Todd Sorenson

Maxine Bahns as Betty Sorenson

Barry Williams as Neighbor

Richard Riehle as Gorn

Debbie Lee Carrington as Alien #1
Gary Friedkin as Alien #2
Katherine Gaskin as Glenda 6
Olivia Hack as Jenna Sorenson
Roger W. Morrissey as Liberty 1
Betty Murphy as Nana

Maureen Teefy as Chrome

Written by: Scott Nimerfro, based on the "Weird Science" comic books, by William M. Gaines

Directed by: Russell Mulcahy

Well here it is at last: the final episode of “Perversions of Science”, and the most surprising thing about it is, even in the face of a surefire cancellation, just how much of a whimper it goes out with. I have mentioned before how it never really pushed any boundaries, despite being on a channel known for doing it; when I mentioned it the first time, it was more of a stray observation. Suddenly, it has become a point of contempt: this was a chance for the show to pull out all the stops and deliver one final “fuck you” to its audience, and instead it delivers us its typical droll, restrained sci-fi “goods”. This is a textbook example of how to go out with your tail between your legs.

Not surprisingly, it is the future in “The People's Choice”, and this vision is made up of long-haired women robots, called “domestics”, that perform chores for well-off families in suburbia. Todd Sorenson is the “leader” of one such family, the ultimate douchebag who respects no one and, in return, is respected by no one. In the beginning of the episode, he is verbally harassing “Nana”, the family's long-serving domestic, exploding on her for having “medical” issues that are costing him a lot of money. But his wife and child seem to love “Nana” more than they love him, and as much as he apparently dislikes the robot, he's such a penny-pinching miser that he refuses to upgrade to another model.

The deep depths he will go to keep his family “intact” are made obvious when “Nana” sneaks out of the house one night, and by morning ends up swimming in oil after an unspecified accident amputates her arm. Rather than pony up the cash to buy a new one, he has the local robot sales/repairman Gorn (Richard Riehle, who is probably the king of “I know I've seen that guy somewhere before!”) fix her up to be as good as new. Wondering what lead Nana to receive such a horrible injury, he feigns sleep the following evening, catching her slipping outside in the middle of the night, where all the robots gather in the middle of the street to fight to the death. (No one else has ever noticed this before?) This means Nana is going up against much more current models, which explains why she is always in failing health. Facing a “Glenda 6”, one of the top consumer-grade robots available, she is about to be dealt a death blow when Todd comes to her rescue, allowing her to turn the tables and “win”.

All it does it postpone the inevitable: the very next day, a group of robots come by and attack her, cutting her into unrepairable pieces. Todd demands answers from Gorn, who reveals that the fighting is all a tactic from manufacturer Ultrabot to eventually force people to upgrade their domestics to a more current model. The stress of losing “Nana”, along with a rivalry with his neighbor, leads him to purchase the “Liberty 1”, a new patriotic model that everyone has to have. But in typical “Perversions” overkill, it turns out each robot in the “Liberty” line is controlled by a miniature alien, and all of them are combining to take over the world! And that's not only the end of the episode, but the entire series. Ho-hum.

The acting is pretty good, but it's clear that everyone was told to “ham it up” in this one; it seems to be striving for more of a lighthearted approach than some earlier eps, and also frequently aims for comedy (often failing miserably). The special effects are mainly kept “physical”, but the final shot is yet another example of piss-poor '90s CGI, the type of which this show has sadly excelled at. I hope I haven't made this sound like a horrible episode, because parts of it were enjoyable, but given this was its last chance to make an impression on its dwindling viewer base, it's sad to see “Perversions” stick to its code of restraint all the way through to the bitter end; a code that is what helped to send it to an early grave in the first place.

EPISODE RATING: 5/10

FULL EPISODE

Perversions of Science, S1 E9: Ultimate Weapon

Starring:

Heather Lagenkamp as Lou Ann Solomon

Mitchell Whitfield as Matt Solomon

Paolo Seganti as Mike Calderone

Kim Myers as Selena

Jennifer Darling as Lou's Mother
Maria Cina as Tess
Steve Kahan as Lou's Father

Maureen Teefy as Chrome

Written by: Gilbert Adler and Jeannette Lewis, based on the "Weird Science" comic books, by William M. Gaines

Directed by: Dean Lopata

Well after one of the best episodes of the series, it seems we're back to the muddled, uneven mess of a show that has plagued a majority of the episodes up through this point. But, at the very least, “Ultimate Weapon” is an entertaining, sometimes-clever failure, so much so that not even a cringe-inducing finale can cancel out all of what it has to offer.

Lou Ann Solomon believes she is under attack by aliens. Apparently, this is nothing new; after having an episode in the middle of the night, her husband claims he's had enough of her nonsense, wishes they had never married, and leaves the house. Apparently, still during the same night (I think?), she goes out with friends at a local bar. Why does it seem like every television show lead has two friends, of the same sex, who are willing to drop whatever it is they're doing to hang out with their best friend at any given time? And why is it that all “girl's nights” have to end up with the women all getting drunk and gossiping about hot guys? It's one thing if we're talking about singles, but here we have a married gal, whose friends are ready to hook her up with someone for the night, simply because she and her husband got into a little fight. Okay...

Well now two powder-white aliens show up to the bar, with specific instructions to basically knock her up in order to create a combined species. Now, there's no way the ugly, sexless creatures are going to get laid like this, so of course they have the ability to morph into anyone within a moment's notice. This causes some potential marital problems for Lou Ann, when her and her friends wish her old flame Mike Calderone was there...and lo and behold, there “he” is. Only, it's not him...it's the alien that morphed into him. Then, the real Lou Ann invites the alien Mike Calderone home, while the second alien mimics Lou Ann, waiting for her friends to return from the bar with a drink. Alien Lou Ann ends up getting so hammered, her friends have no other choice but to cut her off and take her home. Am I making any sense whatsoever so far? Bare with me, because this does get a little tricky...

Once home, real Lou Ann tries resisting the robotic urges of Mike Calderone (she can't hear his neck creak like metal everytime he turns his head?), who we learn she broke up with after hearing rumors of his homosexuality, and then walking in on him in a dorm room hugging another man. Alien Mike swears that he is straight, and the two are about to embark on a passionate journey of love and sexuality...until Lou Ann's parents decide to make an unannounced visit.

Why is it that parents in television shows always think it's okay to just enter a house without knocking? No one ever acts this way in real life, yet it's a staple of every sitcom ever made. And of course, the two of them are bringing luggage...they're going to be spending the night for an unspecified reason. Panicking, Lou Ann begs Mike to hide, but alien Mike just turns into alien Matt (her husband), confusing her and her parents. Meanwhile, Lou Ann's friends bring alien Lou Ann home, and when they see her parents are over, decide to sneak her upstairs because she is so drunk. They do this by making her parent's car alarm go off, using the ensuing confusion to get her up into her own bed.

From here we can kind of gather what's going on, at least in its most basic form: Real Matt will come home with alien Matt, and Lou Ann will have to figure out which one is which. But there is one awkward, unbelievable twist that I'm going to have to reveal, so if you don't want the episode ruined, then please stop reading right here: The two aliens have sex with each other. That's right, alien Matt ends up going upstairs to find drunk and sleeping alien Lou Ann, at which point they proceed to have loud, frivolous sex that alerts everyone in the house to their location—and eventually, their real identities. Come on now...shouldn't two aliens with an ability to morph into anything somehow be able to differentiate their alien bodies with that of those they are impersonating? Maybe we can give a pass to alien Lou Ann because she was technically drunk (we'll assume that alcohol has the same effect on aliens as it does on us), but alien Matt should have certainly been able to tell.  Still, it's at least slightly humorous if not entirely believable, even within the confines of this particular episode.

For the final “twist”, the one alien ends up impregnating the other one, and the episode ends with the two of them getting married on their own planet. What a crock of shit.

But like I said, despite its common setup and terrible ending, this one at least had some imagination behind it. Yes, the parents and friends showing up is textbook plot device, but by adding in clones of a couple of characters, it gives it an added layer of complexity—and occasional humor—to the proceedings (i.e. having a character walk right behind the person they are cloning, with neither of them noticing). It all adds up to one of the more straight-up entertaining episodes of the entire series, despite a significant number of flaws. Like the way characters clearly start coming and going simply to further the plot, with no logic behind their actions. For example, Lou Ann's parents say they're spending the night initially right when they show up unannounced, then claim they're “leaving for a show” not five minutes later, then come back because they've forgotten something just in time to catch real Matt in a lewd, and misconstrued, situation. In another bit, one of Lou Ann's friends demands Lou Ann give her a ride home out of nowhere, not at all caught off guard by the fact they drove (alien) Lou Ann home themselves because she was so plastered. I get there's some creative licensing involved with just about all science fiction stories, but within the confines of a twenty-minute show, you would think it could have been a little tighter.

Any way you add it up, though, this is an above-average episode, at least as far as this series is concerned. It has a couple moments that made me chuckle, and manages to keep viewer's on their toes by tossing a constant barrage of increasingly unbelievable moments at them with rapid-fire imprecision. And what is a television show if it's not entertaining?

EPISODE RATING: 5.5/10

FULL EPISODE

Perversions of Science S1, E6: Planely Possible

Starring:

George Newburn as Walter

Vincent Schiavelli as Scientist

Joyce Brothers as Therapist Bethany Wolf

Elizabeth Berkley as Ruth

Nicole DeLaina as Gwen

Trayne Thomas as Homeless Man

Michael Wiseman as Barman

Written by: Peter Atkins, based on the "Weird Science" comic books, by William M. Gaines

Directed by: Russell Mulcahy

“Planely Possible” is one of the rare “Perversions of Science” episodes, at least up to this point, that is actually based around an idea that is entirely fascinating: Elizabeth Berkley (yes, that one) plays Ruth, and as the episode begins, she exits her bedroom after hearing something crash in the living room. She thinks it is her husband, Walter, so she walks into the living room, repeating his name over and over and over again, only to find a broken item on the floor. She bends down to pick it up, unaware that a burglar stands behind her; by the time she realizes this, it’s too late, as he shoots her dead.

We are now in “modern times” with Dr. Joyce Brothers (no joke) as Therapist Bethany Wolfe. She explains, to Walter, that he must learn to let it go in due time, because there is no going back to the past. Of course, he goes through the usual motions of mourning--wondering why he wasn’t the one killed instead, wishing she were still alive--but the therapist seems to have no time for crazy ideas like that. She assures him that he will eventually learn to move on, and maybe even find someone to replace Ruth.

On the way home, he stops at a local diner, where, of course, a scientist is preaching to a small, gathered crowd about the possibilities of alternate realities (I guess nearly-empty restaurants are how scientists of the future get the word out about their latest creations). Some in the crowd seem dismissive of what he‘s saying, including the bartender, but he refuses to do anything about it because his crowds bring in a little extra business.

At first, Walter isn’t interested in all these theories. But the more he overhears, the more interested he becomes. Is there a chance that he can see his wife again? The scientist seems to infer this is a possibility, hinting that there are multiple strands of realities running parallel at any given time, meaning things that happen on one plane might never have happened at all in an alternate universe. He also mentions that he has created a device capable of allowing people to explore the different realms. It’s a lot to try to grasp, but it makes for a rather fascinating idea.

The scientist tells his followers that he has to leave, and heads out into the rain. Walter tracks him down, and asks if the scientist thinks his invention can allow him to see his wife again. Not surprisingly, the scientist is hesitant, as his creation hasn’t been thoroughly tested, but when he sees just how desperate Walter is, he knows he has a willing subject. Before you know it, Walter is in a glass tube, while the scientist explains things to him: He will only be able to see his wife, but will not be able to contact her. And in the off chance he messes with the alternate realm, it will have dire consequences for all planes of existence. I think the more I reveal, the more and more obvious things are starting to look.

Only, they’re not really obvious, because each plane provides us with some unexpected behaviors. In the first (don’t worry, I won’t ruin them all, but will instead describe a couple of the more obvious ones so you can get an idea of where this episode is headed), Walter discovers that he is now a fat, white-trash alcoholic, who abuses Ruth. Refusing to accept this, he breaks out of his chamber, tosses his obese alter-ego into a furnace, and promises his lovely wife that things will be okay…only to discover that it’s Ruth who isn’t who she appears to be.

Desperate to escape, he is unable to contact the scientist, who appears in a hologram to inform him that he is running through several alternate realities. And so the rest of the episode goes, with Walter suddenly jumping from one possibility to the other. The whole feel honestly has quite a bit in common with the quick-cuts of “Dream of Doom”, this show’s first episode--the only difference is that “Planely Possible” relies pretty heavily on special effects at a couple parts. And as we have learned, any time that happens, this show tends to falter.

Surprisingly, a couple of the effects are pretty good, but others are the same disastrous early CGI that we have seen in several of the previous stories. It’s pretty clear that the budget was so low in this show that they probably lacked the resources to pull the effects off practically, but I can almost guarantee the rushed nature of this show is a clear reason it failed to find an audience and was canceled so quickly. Even for its day these effects were hokey, and time has certainly not been kind to them.

I won’t reveal any specifics from here, but I wasn’t really all that into this episode, which many have stated is the best (or one of the best) of the entire series. I sadly have to agree with that assessment, up to this point, simply for the reason that, with the exception of the first one, all of them have been really lackluster. I kept expecting some kind of logical twist, or some kind of revelatory conclusion that would bring it all home, and instead it just kind of kept going farther and farther out into space (figuratively), leading to an entirely unsatisfactory conclusion.

Again, I have to say that it’s one of the better eps we’ve seen so far, and the level of talent they are attracting hasn’t wavered, with Elizabeth Berkley giving an unexpectedly solid performance as Ruth, and George Newburn decent as the grieving widow. Its struggles just continue to be with everything else--the main set (a basement) is boring and sparse, and while some of the “upstairs” sets are more palatable, nothing in this episode would qualify as outstanding (besides maybe the idea).

Just chalk this up as yet another failure in the “Perversions of Science” pantheon, though you can at least call it an interesting one.

EPISODE RATING: 5/10

FULL EPISODE

Perversions of Science S1, E5: Given the Heir

Starring:
Yancy Butler as Lisa Gerou
William McNamara as Nick Boyer
David Leisure as William Tilbrook
Paul Williams as Dr. Mueller
Joey Buttafuoco as Frankie Carelli (yes, THAT Joey Buttafuoco)
Mark Folger as Scientist #2
Doug Llewelyn as Calvin Patterson
Dennison Samaroo as Scientist #1
Marc Segal as Bank Guard
Maureen Teefy as Chrome

Written by: Mark Verheiden, based on the "Weird Science" comic books, by William M. Gaines

Directed by: Ramon Menendez

Well, I praised the show’s first episode, “Dream of Doom”, for managing to be effective despite the show’s obviously low budget. I have also berated a couple additional episodes for trying to be too ambitious--the effects work in this entire show is shoddy, at best, and there are very few things that can ruin anything quite like bad special effects. Especially given the fact this show takes place in the future, at a time when technology runs rampant and has progressed beyond our wildest dreams. I thought the episodes that focused more on story and writing would be the better ones.

“Given the Heir” has ruined that idea for me. Here we have an episode that, aside from a couple of quick time travel sequences, have very little in the way of special effects; and yet, it’s an absolutely terrible, interminable bore. I kept sitting back, waiting for some kind of twist ending, only to be left hanging--this just may be the worst episode yet.

Yancy Butler plays Lisa Gerou, a woman who has a thing for a man named Nick Boyer (William McNamara). It is unspecified exactly what Boyer does, but judging from the women that are constantly vying for his attention, he must be famous for something. In order to appease him, she researches his likes and interests, then uses technology to mold herself into the perfect being for him. There’s just one little problem: All this is happening in 2006...as we learn, Nick died ten years ago, way back in 1996. So how can she meet up with him after he’s been dead for so long? Easy: Time travel. It’s still not common technology at this point, but after exchanging some sexual favors with a Nobel Prize-winning scientist, he agrees to build a time machine for her. I guess even distinguished prize winning men are as shallow as the rest of us!

We think there might be some sort of attachment that the two shared at some point, but unless I’m missing something, Lisa is actually just an obsessed fan from the future. In fact, Lisa Gerou isn’t even her real name: she got it from blending his mother’s first name, with his favorite “French-Canadian Scotch Whiskey”. Well that’s kind of creepy. But her attention-to-detail does pay off--armed with her future knowledge, she is able to withdraw $50,000 from his secretive second account, even going so far as to have her fingerprint altered to perfectly match the one that he used to safeguard that bank account.

Needless to say, everything goes terribly wrong for her. Her schemes to get his attention--taking a large sum of money out of someone’s account will do that--work fine for a short while, but after finding her to be inadequate in the sack, he quickly grows tired of her. He thinks she’s scheming with the account manager at his bank, so he has his bodyguard kidnap him. The bank manager, Mr. Tillgood, swears up and down that he had nothing to do with it, but poor Nick doesn’t believe him. So Tillgood steals the bodyguard’s gun and shoots him, the bullet going through the bodyguard and hitting Nick in the neck. Bingo, just like in “real life“, Nick ends up dying in 1996, and not even Lisa’s time travel can stop that. The end.

Based on a little research, the episode of “Weird Comics” that this was based off of had the same title, but focused on a man who had to put off marrying his wife because he’s so poor. After meeting a time traveling relative, he’s convinced that he can come into wealth by having her kill an ancestor, thus passing the money onto him. Even that idea is stupid, so I’m not surprised that, even with the major alterations to the story, this one falls quite flat, as well. There’s nothing really exciting that happens, nor any twist at the end that brings everything around full circle, so “Given the Heir” ends up being irreversibly dull.

EPISODE RATING: 3/10

FULL EPISODE

Perversions of Science S1, E4: The Exile

Starring:
Jeffrey Combs as 50557
Ron Perlman as 40132
Christopher John Fields as Adolph Hitler
Brian Brophy as Investigator
Jeff Corey as The Judge
David Warner as Dr. Nordhoff
Oscar Dillon as Jailer
Craig Olsen as Lupita
Jae Woo Lee as Coopersmith
Maureen Teefy as Chrome

Written by: David J. Schow, based on the "Weird Science" comic books, by William M. Gaines

Directed by: William Malone

Before I dig in to the specifics of this episode, I must once again express shock at the level of talent that “Perversions of Science” was able to garner, despite being--without question, really--a terribly subpar television series. For example, in “The Exile”, we are treated to Jeffrey Combs, Ron Perlman, and David Warner (you might not recognize the last name, but you will recognize the face the instant you see it--that dude’s been in everything) in the main roles. Granted, Combs is kind of a B-rate actor, known mainly for his work in the Re-Animator series, with a couple of other horror films to his credit, but still, even for a show like this, that’s a pretty solid grab. And Ron Perlman might not have been the mainstream hotshot that he would eventually become (especially after Hellboy), but this show nabbed him during his strong rise--so while the rest of the show was pretty lackluster, credit must be given to casting, who, at least up until now, has been pretty on point.

Anyway, “The Exile” tries to cram a lot of ideas into not a lot of time. It all begins with Jeffrey Combs’ character, who we believe to be a doctor, trying to convince a woman that he has found a way to remove people of their inconsistencies--she’s unfortunately being told this as she’s tied up under one of his heavy machines. Essentially, he “burns away” their physical problems. Well, judging from the police raid that interrupts the discussion he’s having with his poor, defenseless subject, this whole thing isn’t entirely legal. And judging from further discussions that take place later in the episode, he doesn’t actually “cure” his subjects of anything: he merely kills them.

Following the police raid, he is captured and placed into prison, where he is given the prisoner code 50557. That’s where he meets Dr. Nordhoff (Warner), a scientist who seems to be obsessed with “rehabilitating” him, which as we can assume, means “curing” him enough to return to society. You see, murder in the future is a very rare offense, with many of those responsible for carrying out the crimes able to be “treated” and placed back into the normal world. But should rehabilitation fail, the subject is forced to be “exiled”, a punishment that is frequently mentioned, but kept a secret until the end.

As it turns out, 50557 is that rare killer, one that is proud of his accomplishments, and refuses to be “fixed”. Dr. Nordhoff tries electro-shock therapy, but that doesn’t work, and with his hearing with a judge just two days away, he is desperate to find something that works, lest he be “exiled”. Well, of course nothing works, and he is sent before the judge. And as can be expected, his laundry list of prior felonies and crimes, not the least of which is the murder of 41 people, can only be punishable by “exile”.

I won’t reveal what “exile” is, because that’s the whole point of the episode. But needless to say the finish isn’t anywhere near as revelatory as it thinks it is, or tries to be. Along the way, 50557 is coached by prisoner # 40132 (Perlman), a successfully rehabilitated murderer himself, who is waiting to be placed back into a society he is now ready for.

As with many of the episodes, the strengths here lie mainly in its acting: Combs seems only capable of overacting--I mean, he‘s pretty much built his entire career around it--but given this relatively low-grade material, his performance works. Meanwhile, Warner and Perlman are just reliably good. They don’t really go above and beyond in any way, but again, given the fairly-lame premise and writing, and sometimes painfully low budget, it’s better than what the material deserves.

After getting off to a strong start with “Dream of Doom”, it’s quickly becoming apparent why this show failed so quickly: the plots are very straightforward, and none of them really push the envelope the way HBO audiences of the late ‘90s were expecting them to. In other words, there’s very little sex or violence in any of these, with language being the only reason most of these even reached a TV-MA rating. “The Exile” is the perfect example of this, with some foul language, and some random (non-sexual) boobies at the beginning, all captured in an idea that’s only minorly fascinating.

A stray observation: At this point, I’m also starting to think just how stupid the “Chrome” intros are, with her constant barrage of double entendres and clearly-sexual movements. For an episode like “Boxed In”, it makes sense to have her introduce the segment, because that episode itself had a lot to do with sex. In episodes like this, however, she just seems tacked on in a desperate attempt to appeal to the late-night crowds that were watching HBO at the time--which, namely, were pretty much younger guys and creepy old men (and babysitting teenagers like me) who were just looking for something to appeal to their libidos. I get it--that was probably the point--but judging from this show’s mere 10-episode run, it didn’t work. And while it’s far from the only thing wrong with the show--it probably wouldn’t have lasted no matter what--it’s curious to me that they didn’t at least try to get rid of those random intros, or substitute them for something else. I guess they were trying to mold Chrome into the next Cryptkeeper, only to no avail.

EPISODE RATING: 3.5/10

FULL EPISODE

Perversions of Science S1, E3: Boxed In

Starring:
Heather Elizabeth Parkhurst as Emmy
Kevin Pollak as Pilot
Melanie Shatner as Dulcine
William Shatner as Admiral Kornfeld
Brian Phelps as Soldier
Mark Thompson as Soldier
Maureen Teefy as Chrome

Written by: Chris Miller & Kevin Rock, based on the "Weird Science" comic books, by William M. Gaines

Directed by: William Shatner


The first two episodes of “Perversions of Science” have really run the gamut in terms of quality. The first episode played to the show’s miniscule budget, and turned out to be a fantastic episode, while the second one was done in by a finale of bad special effects, and a rather sloppy excuse for a story. So, then, I suppose it’s pretty fitting that we would follow those up with an episode that varies wildly in quality just within its own 25-minute existence.

This was the only episode that I remembered bits of from my initial viewing, as a horny teenager in the late '90s babysitting some kids (yes, the children were long in bed by the time this came on). It's not that it's an overly memorable episode on its own, but I always liked it for its sheer stupidity; the way it blended late-night cable sexuality, with a completely over-the-top plotline (and some pretty awful effects) is what made it appeal to me back then.  Watching it now wasn't quite the fun experience it was the first time, but it's still an entertaining episode.

“Boxed In” starts off in space in what I would assume to be the faraway future, where Kevin Pollack is piloting a rickety spaceship in a war that he has been fighting for over two years. Traveling alone in the outer reaches of the galaxy with no one to talk to would be enough to drive any man insane, but thankfully Kevin (who has no name in the show, and is referred to only as “pilot” by his superior, and “dunglelips” by his girlfriend) has a helper: “Emmy”, an advanced sex-bot that he won in a card game. Conveniently, she’s also handy with tools (see the world they create, in which everything can be turned into a double-entendre?) and spends most of her time repairing the many things that Mr. Pollack is unable to.

She may only be a robot, but apparently even robots have needs; Emmy spends most of her time trying to seduce the pilot. But he’s an honest man of good integrity: he has a girlfriend back home who goes by the name Dulcine (a perfectly annoying Melanie Shatner), and he swore to her father (William Shatner, reprising his real-life role), who also happens to be his superior, that he would remain faithful (I guess even sleeping with robots counts as infidelity in the future). After two years of no booty, you can imagine how tough things get, but just when it seems like Emmy might finally break him, he receives word from the admiral that the war is over, and he can return home.

Home, in this case, is a bland futuristic set in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. All he can think about is consummating his relationship with Dulcine, but after the admiral drops her off, Pilot Pollack learns that she has been fitted with an electronic chastity belt that sends an electronic shock to any unauthorized personnel that happens to touch it--and the pilot learns the hard way that, until they get married, he’s one of the unauthorized ones. Frustrated with the situation herself, Dulcine leaves--and the pilot decides that it’s time to put together a little friend that he happened to bring home with him…

That's right, it's Emmy, and she has not lost her hots for the pilot!  A few minutes into their passionate lovemaking, he receives a video call (remember, it’s the future!) from a horny Dulcine, who successfully found a way to remove the belt without killing herself; she announces that she will be returning to his house in ten minutes for some intimate time. The abrupt stop angers Emmy, who shuts herself down--conveniently fastening herself to him and refusing to get off. Will he manage to free himself from the rejected sexbot, or will he be discovered by the love of his life?

What works in this episode is that the show never takes itself too seriously--it knows this idea is fully ridiculous, but commits to it, giving it an overall lighthearted feel with some genuine chuckles thrown in for good measure. It doesn’t work all the time, but this is “Perversions of Science” at its most playful, proving that it can still be entertaining even when its frustratingly non-existent budget rears its ugly head--the scenes of the pilot desperately struggling with a robot torso attached to his crotch manages to be humorous, even though the robot is obviously a dummy. Much like the last one we saw, though, and like many others that await us, it all builds up to a terrible conclusion that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense and feels tacked-on.

The area that “Perversions” hasn’t quite let me down in are the performances, and this one continues that streak. Kevin Pollack is just fine as the pilot, while Melanie Shatner plays the idiotic Dulcine with a level of ease that seems a little alarming. William Shatner is good as the admiral, but it’s because he’s in on the joke, the kind of role that he tends to excel in. Unfortunately, the production, with its pretty bland and unconvincing sets, as well as the finale, mar what still manages to be an above-average episode that blends laughs with sex the way late cable TV shows were always attempting to do, to appeal to teenagers always trying to sneak viewings of late night cable TV shows, as I was always attempting to do.

EPISODE RATING: 5.5/10

FULL EPISODE

Perversions of Science S1, E2: Anatomy Lesson

Starring:
Jeremy London as Billy Rabe
Jeff Fahey as Bearded Man
Joanna Gleason as Mrs. Rabe
Jim Metzler as Stan Rabe
Devon Odessa as Linda
Justin Chapman as Little Billy Rabe
Gary Grossman as Sheriff
Ace Mask as Science Teacher
Maureen Teefy as Chrome

Written by: Kevin Rock, based on the "Weird Science" comic books, by William M. Gaines

Directed by: Gilbert Adler

Whereas the first episode, “Dream of Doom”, played to the strengths of its low budget, it is episodes like “Anatomy Lesson” that helped to kill this series before it ever had a chance to shine. The focus on special effects, which somehow manage to be every bit as terrible now as they were back when they first aired, takes the viewer right out of the story, while the twisty finale twisted itself right out of my interest level, lingering on an implausible finish that makes very little sense. Part of its failure stems from its short run-time: this feels like a 50- or 60-minute episode cut in half, which doesn’t allow much time to build up the required amount of character development to make any of this work.

“Anatomy Lesson” focuses on little Billy Rabe. He’s the son of the town’s coroner, and looks forward to sneaking into the basement while his father performs autopsies. He seems to be getting to do that more and more frequently lately, because there’s a serial killer loose in the town, dispatching child molesters and other unwanted scourges of society. (Maybe an inspiration for "Dexter"? Haha, just kidding...that would have required author Jeff Lindsay to watch a series that no one even knows ever existed.) But there’s something much more sinister within Billy than just morbid curiosity--he frequently gets the urge to kill. Our first clue to this behavior is after his father (Jim Metzler, in a great performance) catches Billy snooping in the basement; he is banished to his room, where we discover he stole one of his dad’s scalpels. Then, a nearby cat “meows”. A grinning Billy closes in, scalpel extended and ready to cut. He comes down on the window sill--only to have the cat jump into the arms of a bearded man, who tells him to go to bed. Terrified, Billy obliges.

Flash-forward to the present. Little Billy Rabe is growing up so fast--he’s a teenager already, and is now played by Jeremy London. But his urges haven’t subsided…in fact, if anything they seem to have gotten stronger. So when a hot, stereotypical high school slut named Linda (Devon Odessa) comes on to him, his first thoughts aren’t of making out with her, or taking things even further--no, he just wants to kill her.

That night, as things are getting hot and heavy in her car, he pulls her hair back. She thinks he’s just getting into it, so she leans her head back, going along with his aggression.  But Billy grabs a knife instead, and goes to plunge it into her unprotected neck--but a hand gets in the way, absorbing the weapon. That hand belongs to the same bearded man that appeared to him when he was a younger child! Linda is terrified, unaware of just how close to death she was; Billy is only angry that he didn’t get to finish the job. He tosses the keys to Linda, and tells her to leave, while he exits the car to track down the bearded man (Jeff Fahey), who ran away after saving her life.

After catching up to him, the bearded man informs him that he’s intervened because a killer needs a good reason to kill, like offing sex offenders and other murderers. Billy, in the heat of the moment, goes to kill the bearded man…only to discover that he’s not all that he appears to be. Then a bunch of even more stupid shit happens, and what starts off as a fascinating episode goes from 60 to zero in record time.

I don’t want to reveal the ending, but that is where all the cheesy effects come in, and they range from just plain bad, to astonishingly embarrassing. I will say that the acting is pretty solid here--I can’t remember if that’s the case with all of them, but they seem to get some pretty talented people for such a low budget. I guess that’s probably the main plus to having a production crew consisting of Robert Zemeckis and Walter Hill and Joel Silver (to name just three of many), which probably helped with landing them some solid B-list stars.

In the end, there’s just very little here to recommend. The buildup is rather intriguing, and it’s pretty neat to see some small shards of “Dexter” in here, what with the serial killer offing murderers and other lowlifes and all (though such plot points have probably been around for years, so I’m in no way insinuating this was an influence). But for an installment that relies pretty heavily on its ending, to have such a terrible finish pretty much blows any air out of the momentum balloon, making it all come crashing down.

EPISODE RATING: 4/10

FULL EPISODE