Forever Christmas (aka Mr. 365) (2018)

Director: Christie Will Wolf
Writer(s): Gary Goldstein, based off the story "Mr. 365" by Ruth Clampett
Starring: Chelsea Hobbs, Christopher Russell, Matthew Kevin Anderson and Jill Morrison

Will Saunders is an attractive man who just so happens to celebrate Christmas every single day. He also employs a former homeless man, Hank, because when you’re this perfect, that’s the type of thing you just do. Sophia Worthy is a TV producer tasked with shooting a reality TV series with him at the center. There’s one little problem, though: Sophia isn’t a fan of the holiday season, which is exactly what makes her perfect for the job of interviewing someone who’s obsessed with it. She approaches Will, and he is understandably reluctant; he just wants to go about his daily business without interference, or attention, from the public. But the two share an undeniable bond and so it carries weight when Sophie reassures him that he will be painted in a positive light.

But enjoying Christmas 365 days a year is not something that comes without its fair share of problems: Will’s neighbor, Fred, is a curmudgeonly old guy who has filed an injunction against Will, barring him from putting Christmas lights up before November 1st. Why? No reason, really, except that he’s just an old guy with a permanent scowl frozen on his face, presumably from decades of being a smug asshole.

Anyway, Sophia and Will start to fall for each other (surprise!) but Sophie knows that if news of their relationship gets out, that she might be fired from her company, so they keep it on the down-low…until it gets out anyway thanks to Paul Rivera, Sophie’s nefarious boss. But he’s not just content with outing Sophia’s make-out session with Will: he also decides to take the innocent reality series and turn it into a smear campaign against Will, making him look like a bumbling idiot. (Although he does claim it was his bosses that wanted it, but still…have a spine!) This understandably upsets Will, who sees it as betrayal on Sophie’s part. After all, it’s the exact thing she promised would never happen!

Will true love overcome all blah blah blah blah? Blah blah blah blah blah blah!

You already know what’s going to happen just from reading the plot synopsis, so why are you even interested in watching it, or reading more about it? The two leads are very attractive, and seem to have a decent amount of chemistry together, which at least makes the romance aspect somewhat believable. They also deliver decent performances that are above the demands of the Z-grade material, and that are somewhat grounded in reality - the same can’t be said for the rest of the cast, who basically deliver theatrics that would feel more at home in a kids movie. The rest of the story is absurd…I’d call it a complete mess, but honestly, it’s no worse than anything else from Hallmark. 

In fact, I have a confession to make: the streaming service we watched this on somehow kept glitching out during the final ten minutes, and despite our best attempts, we were unable to actually finish it. But I have a feeling I can accurately fill in the blanks! 

I probably could have done the same if it glitched out within the first five.

STRAY OBSERVATIONS

• What the hell is with the poster art? It makes Sophie look like a creepy stalker as she peers out from behind a Christmas tree…
• What is the point of having the old guy in it at all? He spends the whole movie unconvincingly trying to look upset at Will, and then has a complete about-face at the end, for no apparent reason.
• Why are even decent examples of these movies so, so painful? And why do I keep subjecting myself to them?

ENTERTAINMENT RATING: 6.5/10

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CHRISTMAS CAPSULES: A Puppy for Christmas (2016)

You would think the addition of a dog (or any animal, for that matter) to a sentimental Christmas story would be a guaranteed home run, but leave it up to those fine folks at MarVista to find a way to screw it up.

Noelle is a grown woman who has always been obsessed with the idea of owning a dog, but has never been able to get one, because, you know, dogs are ultra-rare and hard-to-find. Her latest dog-prevention obstacle is that the man she's been seeing for five years, ultra-douche extraordinnaire Todd, is allergic to them—until she learns that some dogs are hypo-allergenic, so she goes out and buys one. Turns out, Todd is not allergic to them, but is afraid of commitment, so he dumps her.

Meanwhile, for being so obsessed with dogs, it turns out Noelle has never actually researched anything about them; she takes the puppy to work with her, apparently thinking they come pre-trained. Of course, the puppy gets into adorable mischief that captures the attention of Liam, the rugged hunk that writes the “Adventure” column for the newspaper. After sleeping in her office overnight since she has nowhere else to go (?) she is caught by Liam, who invites her to his remote house for the weekend. This is perfect timing, because he's awaiting the arrival of his fiance, who no one in his family has ever met, and having the woman you're going to marry come home to you alone with a strange woman is probably a really great idea.

Thankfully, it's not so awkward because his family is there to surprise them with a surprise engagement party! After explaining that Noelle is not his fiance (thank God it at least avoided that trope), the two settle down with family, as Liam's real fiance keeps postponing the trip, eventually making it obvious she's never coming back. Good thing sparks are flying between him and Noelle! But it can't just be that easy—after an incredibly lame party, Todd realizes that he gave up a good gal, and tries to woo her back. Which man will she choose?

Really, it all comes down to the characters: Noelle is annoying as shit, and seems completely mismatched in all facets against the good-looking Liam. There was no part of me that felt they were a good match or wanted them to get together, and that's kind of the whole point of the movie. Then there's the whole point of the dog: I didn't even want it to get stuck with Noelle, who never seems to have any time for it amidst trying to fall in love and screwing up at every turn. Again, she shows no signs of anyone who has ever wanted a dog for a minute, let alone her whole life, as the narrative assures us is the case.

It's watchable by the slimmest of margins, and didn't fill me with the level of holiday rage that some of these movies do, but it's one that both animal lovers, and good movie lovers should skip altogether.

RATING: 3/10

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