Writer(s): Uthaug, Thomas Moldestad, and Martin Sundland, from an idea by Jan Eirik Langoen and Magne Lyngner
Starring: Ingrid Bolsø Berdal, Rolf Kristian Larsen, Tomas Alf Larsen, and Endre Martin Midtstigen
It usually takes some kind of unique angle for me to be interested in a slasher film. For example, I was interested in Sleepaway Camp because of the non-stop discussion of its ending; I was interested in Halloween because of its supposed influence on the entire subgenre; Twitch of the Death Nerve captured my attention first for its amazing name (one of the all-time greatest horror movie titles in history, though it's better known under the much blander Bay of Blood), then as its standing as one of the first such movies ever made; and the list goes on and on. The idea of a masked stalker offing oversexed campers doesn't interest me, so I tend to avoid the carbon copy clones that have nothing new to offer, but if it can put a unique spin on a tired formula, I'll give it a shot.
And that is how I was drawn in to Cold Prey (Fritt Vilt), a 2006 Norwegian body count film that, according to a streaming service that I subscribe to, “plays with audience expectations, serving up an icy, unpredictable thriller...”. Okay, well it's a little vague in how it avoids typical slasher cliches, but I had heard similar things from other sites and went with the majority. And I kind of liked how no one mentioned what set it apart from other slasher entries, because that would leave more surprises for me to discover on my own.
At least that's what I was thinking going in; as it turns out, the only surprise is just how formulaic and worthless this movie is. It's terrible. Well, it's technically not terrible, because it's competently shot and adequately produced, but it's godawful in how uninspired it turned out to be; show me anyone who calls this “unpredictable”, and I'll show you someone who has seen fewer than five horror movies in their lifetime.
Stop me when you hear something original: Five friends (two sets of heterosexual couples, and a nerdy ginger who's single and provides comedic relief), plan to go snowboarding in the mountains of Norway. But these seasoned vets are too cool for a standard, open resort, and decide to go to an abandoned one, where 110 skiers have gone missing throughout the years. One-hundred and ten. And the city hasn't moved to investigate it, or demolish it.
We're treated to a hilariously cheesy montage of the group having fun all alone on the slopes, but that suddenly comes to an end when stupid Morten has to break his leg. And of course, we're not just talking hairline fracture—no, we're talking a mobility-destroying compound one, bone through the skin and all. Ouch. Hope he's not going to have to run away from any masked serial killers anytime soon! At the very least, I hope he gets killed first so that he's not hindering any able-bodied people from getting out safely! Oh-for-two.
You know what? It's not even worth me spending any extra time on the plot. All I will say is, after a pretty impressive opening death, the rest are terribly boring. And there are still the required “fake scares”, like the scene where a crimson substance is leaking under a door, but as it turns out, it's just from a can that idiot Morten was trying to open when he lost his balance and fell. My wife called that one, so we can throw that “unpredictability” bullshit right on out the window.
I'll just ruin the rest for you, too, lest you think you're getting into something special, so stop now if you don't want to know what happens next: The main girl survives, and kills the killer, who was a boy buried alive in a snowy pit by his own parents. So let's see, we have the lone girl survivor, and a man who “haunts” the area where he was killed, by killing everyone that goes near his “home”...hmmm, not ringing a bell at all. Everyone else is killed in increasingly boring ways—there's not much in the way of spurting blood, and even the aftermath shots are very weak. In other words, it has nothing to offer you, so why bother?
If you need a “plus”, it was competently made: shots are set up properly, the video quality is professional, and it's obvious that some care went into its creation. It's just a shame that none of that same attention-to-detail went toward the screenwriting process, or toward a fascinating visual style—it's shot as if from the memorized notes of a recently-graduated filmmaking student desperately trying to make a film “by the book”. For the sake of full disclosure, I will say that the copy I saw was dubbed in English, which admittedly made the experience even worse—but come on, a bad movie is a bad movie, no matter how it's presented, or what language it's in. It would still be just as cliched in its native Norwegian.
If you have the patience of a saint, and a fetish for self-inflicted punishment, then step right up: Cold Prey is waiting!
RATING: 2.5/10
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