Writer(s): Russell and Frank ("Shawshank Redemption") Darabont, from a story by Irvine H. Millgate
Starring: Shawnee Smith, Kevin Dillon, Donovan Leitch, Jr., and Jeffrey DeMunn
I’m going to start things off here by regaling you with a
boring story, so get settled in:
As I’ve mentioned before in other reviews, I led a rather
sheltered life. We won’t get too
personal here, but let’s just say that growing up, it was only my mom and
I. Even though we were pretty broke, the
most difficult thing about my childhood was that I was completely forbidden to
watch R-rated movies. So while kids at
school would be chatting about scenes from the latest action and horror films,
I was stuck watching television shows like “Diagnosis, Murder” with my mother.
Well one day, when I was around 12 years old, I was at the
local library with my babysitter, and somehow talked her into borrowing two
R-rated flicks for me: The Blob, and The Best of the Best 2, a no-doubt
terribly derivative martial arts actioner.
Upon taking them home and showing my mother, she was appalled…but I
finally managed to talk her into a compromise—I could pick one of the two to
watch, and then that would be it for a long time.
Looking back on that moment, I sincerely wonder if I made a
fateful decision that day: What if I had
chosen to watch Best of the Best 2
instead? Would I have become a fan of
martial arts movies, and completely shunned the horror genre? Needless to say I chose The Blob, was thrust into a world of graphic special effects, and
fell in love with it right then and there.
Another brief tie-in before I move on to discussing the
actual movie: When I was a kid, I was a
huge fan of Michael Jackson. So my
parents taped for me a special of his that aired on national TV. I watched that show until it wore thin,
memorizing all the lyrics and all of his dance moves. Well during one set of commercials, there was
a brief trailer for The Blob that
played…even when my interest in Michael Jackson started waning, a couple of
years later, I still rewound that tape and would watch the trailer over and
over again. Weird, especially
considering no other horror movie preview had that effect on me as a child, but
true.
Anyway, just borrowing The
Blob from the library again, almost twenty years later, already gave me a
certain sense of nostalgia, and that was even before popping it into the DVD
player.
There’s really no sense wasting much time on the story,
because it’s really nothing new: Meteorite hits Earth in the small town of Arborville , releases a
bizarre mass of mobile, slimy goo, which then eats anything in its path. As it gains victims, it grows even larger,
and before anyone knows what’s going on, it’s wreaking havoc in the streets
(and sewers) of that small town.
Just like in every such fright flick, there are people that
we cheer for. Also like in every such movie, they are made up of stereotypical,
familiar characters: We have Brian Flagg
(Kevin Dillon), the high school tough guy who likes to pass time by riding
around on his motorcycle while drinking and smoking; Exhibit B is Meg Penny
(Shawnee Smith), the all-American cheerleader who is one of the most popular
girls in the school. The two of them
must band together after Meg’s first date with a popular jock ends in tragedy.
Blah blah blah. It
goes without saying that the blob itself isn’t the only thing that Brian and
Meg are up against…members of a government agency also come to town. It seems that the slow-rolling mass of slime
was created as a biological weapon for warfare, and it quickly becomes evident
that the agents are putting the safety of the blob ahead of Arborville’s
residents.
Who really cares? The
real selling point of this film are the stellar special effects, which pull no
punches. I saw the original version
(starring Steve McQueen before he got famous, and made way back in 1958) before
this, and was expecting something in the same vein, with just a couple violent
scenes to justify the R rating. In
actuality, this is a complete 180-degree turn from the original, which focused
on story and went out of its way to keep the violence offscreen—this one revels
in showing us all the gooey details of what happens when the blob overtakes its
victims. Even today, a majority of the
effects are impressive, though they do suffer a little bit (while also getting
more complex) during the obligatory final showdown.
The writing (this remake was written by director Chuck
Russell, and co-written by none other than Frank Darabont, who would go on to
direct both The Shawshank Redemption,
and The Green Mile) is solid when it
focuses on the small town of Arborville ,
which is so wonderfully cheesy that it wouldn’t feel out of place in the
original version. But once the
government agents are introduced, it simply degenerates into standard genre
fare and all the creativity is replaced by a second-half written on autopilot.
Still, the whole idea of a slimy mass slowly rolling through
a town while killing people to get larger has always been a stupid idea in the
first place, and this Blob never takes itself too seriously. It’s violent—sometimes shockingly so—but it
also manages to be surprisingly fun and laid back, with enough creative deaths
to hold the interest of gorehounds.
RECAP: This remake of the “classic” ‘50s horror film about a
giant mass of slow-moving slime boasts mostly incredible special effects, which
is the main reason you should tune in.
The first half features a majority of the graphic death sequences, and
is by far the better part of the movie; the second half devolves into your
basic “small town vs. monster vs. government agency”, and tosses its
creativity—and its laid-back sense of fun—out the window. Still worthy of your time if you’re a fan of
this kind of “creature” feature.
SCORE: 7/10
TV SPOT (same one I watched over and over as a kid)
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