CHRISTMAS CAPSULES: A Christmas in Vermont (2016)

Director: Fred Olen Ray
Writer(s): Michael Varrati and Fred Olen Ray, based on a story by Jeffrey Schenck and Peter Sullivan
Starring: Abigail Hawk, Chevy Chase, David O'Donnell, and Howard Hesseman

Here we have a movie produced by Fred Olen Ray, who directed softcore porn for two decades before making the sudden switch to Christmas movies (no joke!); he was also responsible for the Lifetime “thriller” Deadly Shores, which was somehow even worse than the average Lifetime movie—and that's saying a lot. It also stars a woman who is not conventionally attractive which—let's be honest here, and as shallow as it is—is sometimes the only thing that gets us through to the end of some of these holiday duds (never underestimate the strength of an attractive cast, a notion that's magnified when everything else around them is terrible). Then, there's the tired plot, in which said woman works for a heartless boss who wants to close down a business in a small Vermont town just days before Christmas. No way she'll have a change of heart and fall in love with the owner, who happens to be an attractive man around her age! Still not sold on its awfulness? Did I mention that the boss is played by Chevy Chase, who looks like a balloon version of himself, is notoriously difficult to work with (in general), and whose best comedic days are behind him? Clearly, this movie sucks...right?

But this is also the season of miracles, and that is the only explanation I can convince myself of as to why A Christmas in Vermont not only isn't groan-inducingly awful, but a genuinely good example of a holiday movie. I mean, sure, technically after watching it, I can tell you why it's not bad: The acting is uniformly above par all around, the characters are more fleshed out than normal, and Chevy Chase is genuinely hilarious in a role that he probably had no interest in doing. Even by the end, the “unattractive” (which, to be fair, I never actually said) female lead, Abigail Hawk (who I just discovered is known for her role as a lead character is the godforsakenly awful "Blue Bloods", a staple as background noise in the homes of those aged 65 and up) is adorable, thanks to the personality she lends her character, and the conviction with which she plays her part. It's not really any of those things that are shocking in and off themselves, but given the “talent” involved, it's baffling to me how all of those things came together on this set, resulting in a movie full of genuine charm that, at least on paper, shouldn't even be watchable.

It's definitely not perfect: Morgan Fairchild (yes, that one!) is completely wasted as the lead dude's mom, a role that there is absolutely no need for. I'm also still waiting for that Christmas movie that has the nerve to avoid some of the more annoying tropes, such as the “overheard quote taken out of context that leads to the sudden argument between the yuletide couple just as things seem to be going perfectly”; unfortunately, we're still treated to that here. But such moments are at least offset by caring characters, such as the “wise old man” (again, usually the most annoying character in every movie, but not so here), who come off less as the caricatures they've become from appearing in so many of these tired tales, and more like genuine people. Who knew it was actually possible to laugh at a Christmas movie when you're supposed to, and that there could be joy derived from means other than making fun of the incompetence in which they were made?

In the end, A Christmas in Vermont succeeds when it shouldn't, by showing what can happen when a mismatched cast and crew can come together to create a cohesive whole; it's mind-boggling, and perhaps an even more inspiring testament to the magic of the holiday season than the story itself.

RATING: 7.5/10

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National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)

Director: Jeremiah S. Chechik
Writer(s): John Hughes
Starring: Chevy Chase, Beverly D'Angelo, Juliette Lewis, Johnny Galecki

The hardest movies to look at subjectively are the ones that we gather around the fireplace to watch every year: yes, I am talking about Christmas movies.  A lot of them are simply tradition; I don’t doubt many people get yuletide joy out of watching the same movies over and over again during the holiday season (hence the 24-hour A Christmas Story marathons), but I’ve just grown numb to a lot of them.  I don’t want to sound like a Scrooge—I like the holiday season and enjoy the atmosphere, so it has nothing to do with that—but once I know every joke and can recite large portions of dialogue from memory, that’s a sign it’s time to skip five years.

And so it can become kind of unfair to review a movie like National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, long after the events have permanently etched themselves into my brain.  Most Christmas movies I manage to avoid watching annually, but considering this is my wife and her family’s favorite one, I think I have literally watched it for at least seven out of the last nine years we’ve been together…very little joy remains.

By now, I think everyone knows the story, so I will severely abridge this: It’s Christmastime at the Griswold house, “lead” by Clark (Chevy Chase), a caring father but hapless dolt of a man who screws up everything that he touches.  Things don’t get any better when the rest of the immediate family show up; covering every comedy stereotype from the hard-of-hearing grandma, to the sour in-laws, and just about everything else in between, it’s ensured that no one has even an ounce of fun between all the bickering and cartoonish hijinx.  Save for the viewer, of course!

It should come as no surprise that, by the end, they all learn a thing or two about the spirit of Christmas.  Well, not so much the actual biblical meaning of Christmas, but that it’s a time for loving, and giving, and gathering with loved ones and friends and family.  Thankfully, all that happens after we have had our fill of hilarity, and we can flip off the DVD player (or Blu-Ray, or VCR) with a renewed sense of holiday cheer.

Christmas Vacation is obvious, the way all Christmas movies are, but it’s also funny; the jokes come fast and furious, and it’s all lighthearted and silly stuff.  There is a surprising amount of swearing that I had completely forgotten about (the “s” word is mentioned around five times, and even “gd” makes an appearance once), so it’s probably not suitable for young kids, but then again, that’s why it’s rated PG-13.  The cast is perfect in their roles, especially a pre-insane Randy Quaid, who steals the show as Clark’s completely-white trash cousin-in-law, and a pre-egotistical Chevy Chase as Clark himself.  Julia-Louis Dreyfuss also has a hilarious role as the Griswold’s rich and stuck-up next door neighbor.

Its only crime is that it’s a holiday tradition, so all the excitement of sitting down to a viewing has been worn completely thin.  But even with this complaint cast aside—even if this was just a typical movie that wasn’t glued to holiday tradition—it would still be too obvious and predictable to be any kind of classic.  So even though I’ve seen it a dozen times, and I’m sure the future holds at least a dozen more viewings, I’m confident in saying that my rating would stay more or less the same.

RECAP: Christmas Vacation is certainly a funny film, and although years of repeat viewings have kind of worn the excitement thin for me, even if it wasn’t required annual viewing, the jokes are too predictable and obvious to be any kind of comedy classic.  Still, it’s great for what it is, with the whole cast delivering solid performances, and Chevy Chase, Randy Quaid, and Julia Louis-Dreyfuss standing out as the best amongst all of them.  At the very least, no matter how terrible your latest Christmas was, chances are it will always be better than the Griswold’s, simply by default.  A pleasant time-waster that will deliver some yuletide laughter.

RATING: 7/10

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