Director: Dylan Vox
Writer: Scotty Mullen
Starring: Leah Pipes, Donna Mills, Ryan Kelley, and Rob Raco
The Asylum is a production company that’s generally the
horror equivalent to MarVista—actually, they may be even worse. While most
MarVista movies are bland retreads of popular plotlines, they’re at least more
or less ripping off their own stale formula; The Asylum tends to take their
ripping off to a whole ‘nother level, frequently making movies with titles and
box art that are very similar to popular blockbusters, at least partly in the
hopes that unknowing people may stumble on their version instead of the real
one and—settle for it, for some reason? I don’t know, doesn’t seem to be a very
sound business model, but it’s suiting them well, so what do I know?
(Supposedly they’ve never lost as much as a dime on a release) (As an example: Fast and Fierce, a movie featuring fast
sports cars, is a current release, as is Battle
Star Wars a film that has nothing to do with the wildly popular sci-fi franchise).
Well now they jump on another trend: the Christmas movie. I
guess that’s actually kind of a good idea, because Christmas movies already
suck, and “sucking” seems to be their entire mantra. They’ve made an entire
company out of churning out uninspired, Z-grade schlock; since that describes
many movies churned out during the holidays, then maybe it’s a better fit than
it would initially seem to be on paper?
Well it isn’t…and it is; this is one of those movies that
will remind you why you fell in love (ironically, of course) with holiday
romance flicks to begin with. Actually, it probably won’t: if you actually
watch these because you enjoy the love stories in them, chances are this one is
sorely going to disappoint. The leads lack chemistry together, the writing and
direction are wooden, the storyline is awful (and only weakly alludes to the
title), and Leah Pipes’ sole method for dealing with every issue that arises
seems to be to pout like a spoiled 7-year-old-brat. It’s pure, unadulterated
crap from virtually every angle.
But—and perhaps it’s merely the spirit of Christmas
infecting me—there’s just something inherently…enjoyable about it all. The jokes are frequently off-color and
actually funny, the actors themselves seem to be having a good time (and
deliver mostly good performances), and the atmosphere is imbued with a sense of
freewheeling fun. It does go off the rail at times, and not all of the jokes
land, but we found ourselves genuinely laughing out loud on several occasions.
I don’t want to bore you with the details, but I probably
should: Pipes is Ginger Holiday, a social media influencer (that’s become the
new go-to job in these movies, replacing “ad exec”) who lives and breathes
Christmas every single day of the year. When her follower count starts
plummeting as a direct result of a facial rash that won’t go away, Ginger finds
that her endorsement stature with a popular global cosmetics brand is in
immediate danger. To salvage her career, her grimy agent needs to act fast—and
figures the best way to right the ship is to have the holiday queen “fall for
someone who’s the complete opposite.
And that opposite is Beau Bradley, an aging skateboarding
influencer who also is in need of a career boost. Can the two of them successfully use each other to get what they want, without true love getting in the way? Of course not.
The intro is over-the-top, but Pipes hits all the right
notes (pun intended), perfectly encapsulating the ridiculousness of the idea to
begin with; the results are surprisingly funny, and set a positive mood for the
remainder to come. This is literally a woman whose entire being is indebted to
a titular holiday; refreshingly, even though she’s a popular star because of
her Christmas-themed videos, her actual love of the holiday is genuine.
Also perfect: Rob Raco as Derek, her shady agent. Really,
he’s just a stereotypical sleazeball but, for the most part, seems to mean well
(at least until a rather idiotic twist near the end). He strikes that tough
balance between being a complete douchebag, and being a likeable guy,
consistently landing somewhere in between. He also has good comedic timing and consistency, making him far funnier and more engaging than he probably should be.
I mean, really, this is an awful movie: the two leads fluctuate wildly between liking and hating each other; there is no chemistry between them; the writing is abysmal; the entire plot is godawful and bears little resemblance to the source material; and Ryan Kelley is pretty wooden as Beau. Yet, despite all those knocks, there's something that's just...entertaining about all of it. Sure, most of these cheesy holiday romps are "entertaining", the way watching old people fall down, or get hit by cars, is entertaining. But this one somehow manages to be entertaining in all the right ways: the atmosphere is upbeat and positive, the characters are likable (at least, in their own ways), and there are some genuine laughs to be had.
You also get the feeling that the creators are in on their own joke; nothing feels like it should be taken seriously at all. That at least helps cancel out some of the downfalls (the terrible plot idea, for one), though the writing is still abysmally bad no matter how you cut it.
If you're one of those old-fashioned people looking for a cutesy holiday romance to get you into the Christmas spirit, this one ain't for you. But if you're a millennial looking for a trash holiday movie that's funny, entertaining, and terrible, then your search ends here.
STRAY OBSERVATIONS
- I have very limited experience in the matter, but this may be one of The Asylum's best movies.
- Ginger's black friend is funny. Black friends are always funny.
- The two leads' lack of chemistry is almost endearing on its own.
- Of course Ginger's mom is a supermodel still stuck in her former glory. She's funny, but also a little too stereotypical.
RATING: 6/10
TRAILER
(only available on Facebook, for some reason.)
No comments:
Post a Comment