Director: Ryan Spindell
Writer: Spindell
Starring: Clancy Brown, Caitlin Custer, Christine Kilmer, and Jacob Elordi
Anthologies are one of those things that tend to get a bad
rap, but are no worse than any other horror subgenre. Maybe that’s an
old-fashioned thought, because there have been quite a few lately that have
released to strong acclaim, but overall, they still seem like the red-headed
stepchild of the horror world.
As seems to be the case with the “modern” anthology, all of
the four story threads are interlinked by one underlying segment about an
undertaker whose normal day is interrupted by a young female looking for a job.
Or is she? Or is he? Unsurprisingly, nothing is what it seems…but then again,
this is a horror movie, so between that fact and the brief synopsis, we pretty
much know that going in.
In the “warm up” segment, a sea monster lives in someone’s
medicine cabinet. While this one is ultimately very pointless (it’s less than
ten minutes in length and has no narrative set up whatsoever), it does end up
being the best story of the bunch. Make of that what you will.
The second one concerns a handsome fraternity brother who
gets his kicks by sleeping with women. One day he meets a mysterious one who
seems to be his match, but it’s obvious that things aren’t right with her.
Before you know it, they meet at a party where they hit it off; before you know
it they’re getting down and dirty in an upstairs bedroom. She gives him a condom
to put on, but in true douchebag fashion, he fakes it—only to discover that was
the worst mistake of his life.
So, what happens to our poor lad? Does he get some kind of
deadly STD? Turn into some kind of monster, so that his physical appearance matches
his inner persona? No, no, you’re still way off; the reality is much, much
stupider than anything you could probably come up with, which certainly does
set a fitting tone for the remaining stories. I’m sure this story is getting
praised for reversing gender stereotypes, and having a womanizing man put in
his place, but a bad story is still a bad story, no matter who the perpetrator
is.
In the third one, a man who loves his wife is devastated by
the mounting debt and frustrations of caring for her after she suffers head
trauma in an accident. Looking for an easy way out, he is given some pills by
her caring physician, capable of putting her out of her misery. But things
don’t quite go as planned for the man, who is trapped with her body in a
malfunctioning elevator…
The fourth and final story is different in that it is told
not by the mortician, but by the woman visitor; if you didn’t suspect something
was up with her by now, the fact she’s telling a story of her own
is…well…telling. In it, she recounts the story of a child’s corpse (which, for
the squeamish out there, is never shown) and the role she played in it: she was
the babysitter the night the child was murdered. Her over-the-top battle with
the serial killer is the focus of this one, which ends with a twist that’s as
tired as it is rather impractical and uninteresting.
The last one has to deal with our mortician, as we learn his
true identity. What? He’s not what he seems to be? What? Neither is she? Wow,
could not see either of those things coming from the opening setup. Oh, wait…that
was it? That’s the reason we sat through the whole thing? Christ.
The stories are high in production quality but rather low in
entertainment value: the focus on laughs rather than chills gives it all a more
“lighthearted” feel that mostly just feels like a copout to the material.
There’s some rather dark subject matter at play here, such as child murders and
assisted suicides, but it’s all handled so sheepishly so that none of it has
any impact whatsoever. Seriously, if you have a story in which a child is
killed, and my wife is not the slightest bit affected, you have done something
completely wrong.
It's not that tackling these issues or obliterating taboos
is wrong; in fact, I quite support it (within reason). However, why make them
the focus when you’re too soft-hearted to go for the gut? These stories could
be just as impactful (which is to say, not at all) without the directors trying
to pretend that they’re edgier and more hardcore than they have any interest in
actually being; it’s like the schoolyard bully, who can talk a good game, but
then gets his ass kicked whenever someone steps up to face him.
I must say though, even as the stories failed to hold my
interest, the visuals stepped up; it’s not really flashy in its visual
approach, but it just…looks like a
legitimate movie. That might sound like a knock to the genre, but let’s be real
here, many horror movies are produced as kind of an afterthought; an easy
attempt to cash in on the teenaged audiences looking to cuddle up with their
boyfriends or girlfriends and have a good scare in the process. For being a
movie that went straight to video (or rather, straight to Shudder), this one
has all the quality of a big-budget studio movie. It looks like it belongs in a
theater; maybe that was the plan before the world took a turn to shit, but
regardless, this is a movie that looks like no expense was spared.
The acting is also a strong suit: I didn’t really find
myself caring for any of the characters, but that has nothing to do with the
actors themselves, who no doubt do as they were told to do. Again, it’s nice to
see that the horror genre seems to be gaining momentum with audiences. It used
to be that actors would take the roles for easy cash, knowing they could just
phone it in, and no one would really care.
Now, though, actors seem to be taking horror movie roles
because they want to; that might also have to do with horror’s recent trend of
giving female characters more to do than just bare their tits, or scream as
loud and high-pitched as they possibly can. Good for them. It’s a change that’s
long overdue, and one that should lead to even more positive attention shed on
a genre that’s certainly deserving of it.
Now if only the brunt of that attention could be focused on
movies that aren’t this one, that would be even better.
OVERALL: 3.5/10
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