Writer(s): Chaton Anderson, from his own story.
Starring: Joanna Canton, Richard Trapp, Dax Miller, and Adrienne Barbeau
I first saw Mike Mendez's The Convent back in the early 2000s: For whatever reason, this one caught my eye amidst the sea of new releases that month, and I ended up really taking to the mix of obvious humor and over-the-top violence. But when I went to rewatch it again, over a decade later, I was taken aback at just how impossible it is to track down for quick viewing—you know when a movie can't even be pirated, it has pretty much fallen through the cracks. Add to that some very average to bad reviews, and I was expecting a major disappointment the second time around.
But as it turns out, I was right the first time. As much as I hate to say it for a myriad of reasons, this can best be summed up as “Evil Dead for the millennial generation”, with its boundless energy and inventive bloodshed frequently overshadowing its obvious low budget. Granted, many of the film's more “unique” ideas are lifted pretty much directly from other movies (the flashlight through the head strongly reminiscent of the lightbulb through the head in Peter Jackson's Dead Alive, the frantic POV shots resembling those from Evil Dead, the demon's look apparently modeled after Argento's Demons, the plot “inspired by” Night of the Demons), and I'm not suggesting it deserves to be revered in such a way that the Evil Dead series is, but it's done with such panache that it's still an enthralling ride.
Forty years in the past, a young woman marches right into a convent, lights everyone inside on fire, and then blasts them away with a shotgun to ensure none of them make it out alive. According to urban legend, this murder was carried out for no reason by a young girl named Christine; because of this, the abandoned location has become a stomping ground for junkies and other ne'er-do-wells who break into it to throw parties, or just to desecrate the memory of the dead in general.
Of course, we meet up with a group of people planning on doing the exact same thing, made up of complete self-aware stereotypes: There's the quarterback and the cheerleader (who wears her cheerleading outfit in a rather tired, but still kinda funny, joke), the misogynistic ladies man, the goth girl, the straight-A student, the frat boys, and the pledge (who is also the “straight-A student's” brother). All of them break into the building with the hopes of having a good time, but are forced to call it a night early when two cops (lead by a hilarious Coolio) break up the fun and send them all home.
Well, all of them except one: the goth girl, who is on probation and doesn't want a run-in with the cops to lead to an arrest. She hides out, leading the others to come back looking for her. What they find, is pure horror: A couple of wannabe Satanists (one of whom works at Dairy Queen) kill her as a sacrifice to Satan, thus infecting her with an evil spirit. As she kills the surviving members, they also turn into demons, forcing the dwindling number of humans to somehow stay alive. Until “straight-A student” has a plan...a plan that involves bringing Christine back to finish what she started 40 years prior...
It's all been done before, and better to boot, but there's no denying Mendez's skill or creativity. The monsters and blood, for example, are shot under blacklight, giving them a neon glow, while adding to the “rave”-like atmosphere. The demon transformations are sped-up, lending them a hyperkinetic feel that adds energy to the proceedings. This is a B-movie shot on a C-movie budget (or lower...can't find exact budget details anywhere, but it was clearly made on the cheap), yet it's to the credit of Mendez (and his crew) that it never feels cheap, a trap that's very easy to fall into as far as low budget horror is concerned.
I'm honestly baffled as to the poor reviews this film has received. Sure, it's no classic, and it does have a lot of flaws (threadbare plot, wildly uneven writing), but it's a lot of fun. And at a mere 79 minutes, it doesn't overstay its welcome. If you like movies in the same vein as Evil Dead, ones where you can just shut off your brain and take everything at face value, then this underrated, hard-to-find gem should be in your wheelhouse.
NOTE: Special thanks to streaming horror service Shudder for adding this title to their ever-growing library, making a film that was once tough to track down, much easier to find.
RATING: 6.5/10
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