Writer(s): Ian Shorr, Kai Berry
Starring: Shea Whigham, Jill Wagner, Paolo Costanzo, and Charles Baker
There’s a new, rather nonsensical kind of monster on the loose in Toby Wilkins' Splinter, an interesting, grotesque low-budget creature feature. Despite the clearly-evident budget constraints, the film delivers some ooey-gooey effects, and some occasional gore, but when there’s nothing splattering all over the screen, its downfalls are painfully evident.
Jill Wagner plays the oddly-named Polly Watt. I honestly can’t believe that is her—I remember her from the television show “Wipeout!”, thought she was super adorable, and somehow didn’t even recognize her here at all, until I did some post-movie research. She looks like she’s aged a few years within the span of a few months, as both the first season of "Wipeout!" and this film were released in the same year. Anyway, Polly is dating the ultra-nerdy and reserved Seth Belzer, played by Paulo Costanzo (whose popularity also comes from a television show, in this case “Royal Pains”), and as the film opens, they are celebrating an anniversary by going camping, a favorite event for characters trapped in horror films.
Right here we have both the story of my wife and I, and one of Splinter’s only non-monster related semi-original ideas: Instead of the woman complaining all the time, it’s Seth who has no interest in camping, and would rather just spend the night at the hotel. Later, he gets chastised because he can’t change a flat tire, and has to have Polly do it. Those situations both sum me up, and pretty much to a “T”. But this isn’t about me, so these are stories for another day…
And actually, I have just lied. The movie does not open directly with the camping conundrum, but with opening credits; interspersed with these is a lone gas station attendant, on a lonely stretch of road, munching on some chips. He hears a noise in the grass behind him, goes to investigate, and then is attacked by something. NOW it's time to focus on the camping couple; this scene is mentioned out of necessity because it gets brought up later on.
Seth gets his wish when, literally ten seconds into trying, the tent snaps. Reluctantly, Polly agrees to spend the night at a hotel—and this is when they run into trouble. And trouble goes by the name of Dennis Farell, a known ex-con who’s planning on running away to Mexico with his girlfriend Lacey. Seems that they’re having some car troubles and need a reliable ride, so they carjack the poor duo. This leads to a flat tire, via running over roadkill…but what kind of animal, perhaps short of a porcupine (this animal appears furry) could puncture a tire? I have a feeling this is where the title comes into play!
After fixing the tire (and having a run-in with the supposedly-dead critter), they hit the open road once more…only to have the car start to overheat. Can anything go right for this poor carjacker/hostage situation? By now, of course, it is nighttime, and of all the places they could run into, of course it’s the gas station from the beginning of the movie.
Splinter does make the most of very limited locations, as well. At least three-quarters of the movie takes place entirely inside a gas station, while the remaining time is spent on a long, winding road. With very little money apparently spent on location scouting and travel expenditures, that means the majority of the film's budget presumably went toward the film’s nasty effects work.
I have to say some of these sequences filled me with glee; firstly, because all of the effects are done practically, which is to say there are no computer-generated scenes. Even for low budget films, this is becoming more and more of a rarity this day and age. Secondly, some of them recall the disgusting, over-the-top stuff seen on unrated versions of films I grew up with, like the Brian Yuzna-directed Return of the Living Dead 3. Now, just like those older films, not all of the effects in Splinter are great—and there’s an understandable, but still relatively annoying propensity to simply shake the camera a whole bunch during attack scenes, presumably to cover for budgetary-related shortcomings in the effects work—but there are enough good ones to cancel out most of the bad.
My biggest gripe with the whole situation isn’t that there’s no explanation of what the creatures are, or where they came from (a point that I didn’t even realize until after the movie was over), but simply that there doesn’t appear to be any real logic to their characteristics. I mean, I get that the splinters are the key to passing on their disease, but what’s the point of them constantly breaking their own arms and legs while moving, besides giving the sound designer ample opportunity to add in cringe-inducing audio snippets? And what are their limits? Normally I am all for not having every snippet of information spoonfed to us, but rather than a few rules that seem consistent, most if it has the feeling that it was made up on the spot.
Besides the completely formulaic plot (complete with a cheesy-as-hell substory involving Dennis Farell’s hilariously stupid plan for something to do when he gets out of jail), the acting is inconsistent, with the two leads lacking any form of chemistry, and Paulo Costanzo’s Seth generally flat. But this is also a low-budget B-movie that sometimes excels in other areas, so I'm partially forgiving of this fault. In other words, don’t go in expecting great things, and you should have a good time.
RECAP: If you have a fondness for low-budget flicks, as I do, Splinter is a pretty good example of what filmmakers can do these days with a limited budget. The acting is pretty hit-or-miss, save for Shea Whigham’s excellent Dennis Farrel, and the chemistry of the two leads is pretty nonexistent, but when the movie is focused on grossing out the audience, it generally manages to come alive. Worth a watch, just don’t go in expecting anything great.
RATING: 6/10
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