Starring:
Anne Bobby as Off. Vicki Quinn
Barbara Bosson as Mayor Louise Plank
Vondie Curtis-Hall as Det. Warren Osborne
Ronny Cox as Chief Roger Kendrick
David Gianopoulos as Off. Andy Campo
Larry Joshua as Capt. John Hollander
James McDaniel as Off. Franklin Rose
Ron McLarty as Ralph Ruskin
Mick Murray as Det. Joseph Gaines
Peter Onorati as Det. Vincent LaRusso
Teri Austin as Trish Vaughn
Written by: William M. Finkelstein and Stephen Bochco and Tony Graphia and John Romano
Directed by: Michael Fresco
This episode begins with a “homeless sweep”, in which officers make a large group of homeless people pack up, and move to a nearby city. In fact, as we learn later, that’s their only plan on dealing with the overpopulation of such people--the Captain refuses to do anything more than just flip them to a different precinct so that they become a “nuisance” for a different set of cops than his own. Sometimes, it would seem, that “Cop Rock” actually gets something right; passing the buck always seems to be the way problems like this are handled. It just happens to be a “plus”, I guess, that the mass-deported homeless sing a song about how they have “Nowhere to Go”.
After this, LaRusso meets with the attorney that he’s banging; she has just returned from a trip to New York, where she refused to let him accompany her. She’s a free spirit and refuses to let anyone bog her down, but it seems as if this quality is foreign to LaRusso, who apparently gets any woman that he so desires. The fact that she doesn't cower at his feet and is able to stand up to him seems to make him want her even more…I wouldn't be surprised if, down the road, we’re going to see them fall in love, because I think that’s what the writers are going for with this story?
But there’s more to this episode for LaRusso than just a love interest--he is also grilled by another attorney, Willa Thalen (or maybe Falen? Hard to decipher on network TV-quality audio, but either way, played by the great CCH Pounder*) who is merely attempting to see how suitable he is to take the witness stand for himself. As is expected, he doesn’t just sit there and take her barbs, which at first seems to be a bad thing--except that attorney Sidney Weitz feels that, with a little advertising, they can make him into an American hero and get the public on his side, whether or not he ever takes the stand.
Meanwhile, Vicki and Andy, the two cops who are partners, head to a bank, where an angry customer seems to be boiling over. At first, everyone is convinced the situation can be easily resolved by bank staff, until the unhinged old man pulls a gun out of his jacket, and ends up shooting Vicki in the thigh. Andy immediately tackles the guy, and nothing further is ever mentioned about his fate. But Ralph, the forensic expert and Vicki’s husband, is quick to cast the blame on Andy for allowing his wife to get shot. His opinion certainly isn’t altered when he hears Andy singing (?) to Vicki in the hospital about how their relationship, as partners, is greater than friendship, and he essentially admits that he loves her.
YOU'RE MY PARTNER
Ralph lays low and doesn’t let Andy see him in the hospital, but he eventually does a little digging himself, breaking into the women’s locker room and gaining entry into Vicki’s personal locker, fully expecting to find proof of infidelity (women must not go in there very often, as it remains empty long enough for him to sing a song about why he‘s in there). This whole side plot is also just the second time that Captain Hollander actually sounds like an intelligent human being, rather than a police show caricature: When Ralph tries bringing up his concerns that Andy was responsible for his wife’s shooting, the Captain is quick to shoot him down, saying none of the evidence supports that theory; for this reason, he shoots down Ralph’s request to find Vicki a different partner. On the one hand, this kind of makes sense, but we’ll see what the implications are for the Captain, or even the whole department, if this partnership leads to something more.
“Cop Rock” seems to be desperate to offset the negative storylines, with in-your-face positive ones, and this time it comes courtesy of Officer Potts. As you may remember, he’s the white cop that became Officer Rose’s partner following the shooting death of Rose’s previous one--of course, in that episode he hated Potts, but finally grew to like him. In an extension of that plot, Potts starts caring for the plight of the homeless people that they are just driving out of the city, and offers to take one of them to lunch. As usual, Rose chastises him for the idea, but even after the idea seems to fail, praises him for having a “good heart”.
While we’re at it, the lunch scene itself is rife with a number of errors and pointlessness, from the homeless man starting his order with a “small orange juice”, going into the food, and then the waitress asking if he “wants a drink with that.” Or the fact that Potts leaves the restaurant before his food is even served…the whole scene just feels very fake, but I have to give it some marks for not having any of that god-awful singing or dancing that haunts my dreams. I am kind of interested to see how this will impact Potts for the remainder of the series…since his attempt to “rehabilitate” a homeless man failed miserably (in a scene that’s actually pretty patronizing; all he does is tell the man to clean up and get a job) will he still be the same kind-hearted cop that he’s always been, or will this whole situation harden his heart a little bit? Hard to say where this one is headed, if anywhere at all.
In the last bit we’ll touch upon, the police chief is starting to fall for the mayor, a plot point that has started developing ever since she had facial reconstruction surgery to make her not so ugly (?). As is usual for television shows, Chief Kendrick asks his loyal black assistant Ozzie if he’s being foolish for falling for this woman. Ozzie responds by starting a dance number about how he should follow his heart, or something. I’m just guessing, because I’ve honestly started blocking a lot of these out; all the song numbers seem to do is just reinforced tired television tropes, but through song instead of normal dialogue. No matter how you dress up predictability, it’s still predictable.
HOW TO LOVE A WOMAN
Meanwhile, the mayor is also questioning her decision to go on a date with this man. This actually leads to one of the film’s rare genuinely funny moments: After the mayor asks her assistant if she looks good, he responds with how great she and her outfit looks. When she responds with the requisite: “Are you lying?”, the man (who’s clearly gay, if that will make this funnier) looks at her and in all seriousness says, “I never lie about clothes”. Maybe it’s just me, but it elicited an earnest chuckle from me, which is one of the few times in this series I’ve laughed at something that was actually supposed to be humorous.
The two end up going on a date out in the wilderness in front of a campfire, with the Chief singing a song utilizing his trusty guitar (the same one he used in the opening song a couple of episodes ago). Before we know it, they’re kissing, and the mayor is asking him to take her virginity, something the Chief seems more than willing to do. All I could help thinking during this is, “Why is the police chief doing everything except actual police-y things?” Seriously, he’s always with the mayor and never actually tending to the needs of the police department, but maybe that will change in future eps.
Well, another episode down! And the series is still struggling to find its footing. Judging from its swift cancellation after just eleven episodes, I’m highly doubting that it ever does, but join us next week when I subject myself to additional cruel and unusual punishment, and absorb another episode so you lucky devils never have to!
EPISODE RATING: 3/10, which has become standard, more or less.
*And it's "Phelan". Close.
**The videos I was originally watching on YouTube were made private, but after some digging I found alternate copies. Note that the quality seems much worse, and with the series coming to DVD next month (May), there's a chance these may get pulled down at any time.
FULL EPISODE
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