Resort to Love (2021)

Director: Steven K. Tsuchida
Writer(s): Tabi McCartney and Dana Schmalenberg
Starring: Christina Milian, Jay Pharaoh, Sinqua Walls and Tymberlee Hill

Wow, I must say that, without a single shred of a doubt, this year has been the best year we’ve ever experienced for “corn-coms'' (there has to be a term I can coin for these B-grade wannabe romance flicks). Not all the movies we’ve seen have been produced this year, but all the ones we’ve seen have had some sort of redeeming quality, and none have outright pissed us off. I’m sure I’ve just jinxed it but hey, if that’s the case, it was a good ride while it lasted.

And, surprisingly, the streak continues with Resort to Love, another Netflix-produced “rom-corn” (See? “r” and “m” together look like an “n”! No takers on that….?) starring Christina Milian, the disgraced ex-singer turned Netflix movie star. Seriously, she must get paid a fortune, because she seems to be in at least three of these every single year; no amount of money would be worth that to anyone who has a shred of dignity left in their careers.

But you know what? For all the pointed criticism I just leveled her way, she’s almost a natural when it comes to starring in these roles. I mean, I guess it could be argued that she’s basically a spin-off of the same character every single time, and standard “acting” doesn’t really apply to this throwaway romantic drivel, but she has a knack for just being inherently likable. And she isn’t afraid to make fun of herself, or to look stupid, the way some former “stars” would, which only adds to her appeal.

In this one, she plays Erica Wilson, a singer whose career is about to take off thanks to her being featured in an album from Che (pronounced “Chee” and who seems to be a spoof of Kanye West), the hottest hip-hop artist in the world. She attends a listening party of the album’s release with her best friend Amber (Tymberlee Hill, who played Phe Phe Reed in the often hilarious reality show parody “The Hotwives of Orlando”). But rather than boosting her career, Che promptly ends it, when he destroys the computer which houses the only copies of the tracks, thanks to a radio DJ leaking a song early. 

Her career isn’t the only thing that’s in dire straits: Her fiance, Jay, recently up and left her a month before their planned wedding, completely out of the blue, a traumatic event she is still reeling from. 

Depressed, Amber suggests she take a job as a resort singer on a beautiful island. Initially, Erica sees it as a downgrade, a job that’s beneath her. But eventually, she realizes she has no other offers on the table, and reluctantly accepts. 

There, she meets the perfect Caleb, who rescues her and another man from drowning after Erica attempted to rescue the man herself. Long story short, in one of those coincidences that only happens in this mindless drivel, he turns out to be Jay’s brother, and is only on the island (that’s thousands of miles away from their home in New York) for Jay’s wedding! That’s right…Erica is going to have to sing for her ex-fiance and his beau, an idea that doesn’t sit too well with her. 

Unfortunately for her, Jay’s fiance takes an immediate liking to Erica, which is obviously due to the fact that neither of them have revealed the true nature of their past relationship. Being this close to the woman who’s going to marry her ex doesn’t really help matters for her, but of course because this is a rom-com, all of her pain is played for laughs. Cue a series of hilarious misunderstandings and awkward situations!

Once again, this is another movie this year that doesn’t have a villain, and is all the merrier for it. All of the characters are likable, even Jay somehow, who comes off as more of an immature man-child afraid of commitment than a douchebag who intentionally caused her emotional harm. His jealousy over his brother’s growing closeness with his ex forms much of the movie’s backbone; is he truly in love with his fiance, or does he want to get back with the woman whose heart he destroyed?

But this is, first and foremost, a comedy. Amber provides some good quality laughs as Erica’s best friend, and the movie also gets some comedic mileage out of Claire, Erica’s French-accented boss, who is a stickler for the rules. Granted, much of the humor derives from her ridiculous accent and overacting, but it’s still funny. It’s just a shame that, once the story starts kicking in, both of their characters are relegated to just a couple of minor appearances that don’t pack the same effectiveness of their earlier scenes.

In the end, this is yet another showcase for Christina Milian to sing a few songs in between trying to find the man of her dreams. It’s almost becoming a subgenre unto itself, considering she seems to be in a growing number of them every year, and Resort to Love isn’t going to earn her any new fans. But for those that like these kind of cheesy romance movies, there’s enough here that it shouldn’t lose her any fans, either.

ENTERTAINMENT RATING: 6/10

TRAILER

Falling Inn Love (2019)

Director: Roger Kumble

Writer(s): Elizabeth Hackett, Hilary Galanoy
Starring: Christina Milian, Adam Demos, Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman and Anna Jullienne

I have to admit: There’s always that little burst of excitement that always precedes our first holiday-themed movie viewing in a given year. It sounds corny, but the first few movies generally tend to benefit from the hope of the holiday season; it’s before we’re reminded of just how terrible these movies are, and how cookie-cutter and predictable they all manage to be. The film that “earns” that distinction this year is the Netflix-produced romance Falling Inn Love.

The premise is beyond awful, even for this type of flick: Gabriela (Christina Milian) is a city girl who’s frustrated with her job, and her boyfriend, Dean. So she does what anyone in that situation would do: Enters to win a contest where the main prize is a bed and breakfast in New Zealand. Um…okay. She enters it, on a whim, right before the deadline and, true to form in these movies, is informed the following morning that she has won, via an email that one would easily dismiss as spam these days.

Now, I know we’re not supposed to dwell on these plots at all, but let’s just think about this for a second: Why would someone offer up an inn as a prize? And how is that even a prize? The “winner” would then be responsible for not only the upkeep and general running of the inn - as well as the massive costs associated with each - but also the expenses incurred traveling to said destination. We must also ignore the fact she has zero experience in the hospitality industry as a whole…well, you can easily see why it’s quite possibly one of the dumbest movies ever made. It’s the kind that, further on in the holiday season, would probably be one we’d end up hating.

Anyway, Gabriela finally gets to the location of her gorgeous inn, following a run-in with the handsome man Jake, and is completely mortified to discover that it looks nothing at all like the picture on the website. In fact, it’s completely deserted and run down. Gee, I thought owners of a successful bed and breakfast would be the ones putting it up as a prize! This woman clearly isn’t a very bright bulb.

Well as we already know, Jake is her love interest, and the lengths she goes to avoid him at first is agonizingly stupid. She clearly is at least intrigued by him, and given the situation with her boyfriend at home (whom she broke up with right before leaving) has no baggage holding her back. But she constantly refuses his advances time and time again, despite bumping into him no fewer than five times at different places in the town.

As usual, they have to make Jake likable, but the lengths they go to show he’s a “good guy” is a masterclass in excess: He’s the first one to offer her help when her car breaks down in New Zealand; he offers her help to fix up the inn (he happens to be a contractor); she bumps into him in a hardware store, where he helps out part time; she tries hiding from him at a flower nursery; and at one point he offers up that he is a volunteer firefighter. He also probably volunteers at the local animal hospital and reads stories to the elderly in his spare time. It’s truly gag inducing. Oh yeah, and in a favorite plot addition to cheesy holiday romances: The one true love of his life died three years ago, and he hasn’t dated since. Wow, what a perfect man!

Also annoying, and true to form in these cheesy holiday shit-fests (especially as of late): Gabriela is a tough, strong, independent woman, who has no need for a man. A character even tells her that at one point in the movie, lest we can’t understand that from her stubborn refusal to accept the help from a genuine gentleman. Despite Jake’s pursuance of her, she makes the mind-blowingly stupid decision to attempt fixing the inn on her own, at which point she realizes just how hard it is to fix a long-deserted inn without anyone’s help.

As if all that wasn't already enough, there has to be a villain top of all the issues she already faces: Here, it comes in the form of Charlotte, the uppity owner of the town’s only functioning B&B. She reveals that the previous owner’s great-grandson, gave it away in a bid to get rid of it, something that should come as a shock to no one at this point. Charlotte reveals that she wants to start a small empire, and have a monopoly on the hotels in the city. With this in mind, she makes Gabriela an offer to purchase it from her.

Now, in real life, Gabriela would take the money and run, but of course she’s not one to walk away from a challenge - she is a strong, independent woman after all! - so she turns down Charlotte’s offer after a long, hard think. I wonder if Charlotte will eventually have some kind of revelation and join Gabriela’s side…nah, I doubt it. That would be too obvious.

Meanwhile, she finally accepts Jake’s constant offers to help, under the agreement that the two of them split the proceeds 50/50 once it’s all fixed up and sold. Wait a minute…will she end up having a change of heart and decide to stay in New Zealand so that she can run the inn once it’s finished? Nah, I’m sure she’ll go back to the city, where she has a chance to showcase her talents for the high-paying, big salary job she’s always wanted. 

In the film’s most ridiculous, over-the-top twist, Charlotte manages to get a hold of Gabriela’s phone, and send a text to her ex-boyfriend, informing him of her location, and telling him to come see her so they can work things out. What?! Who the hell thinks of these things? And who the hell greenlights them? Once again analyzing the situation at hand (I know, a big no-no), somehow we’re supposed to believe that Gabriela, who is on her phone quite a bit, would not notice an outgoing text to her ex, in advance?

Also ridiculous, though entirely foreseen, is that the ex actually shows up to the country, in an attempt to win her over. This is stupid for a variety of reasons, but the main one isn’t the idea that a man would travel thousands of miles on a whim to try to get his ex-girlfriend back, but that he clearly isn’t all that into her. It’s obvious from the very beginning, when he’s reluctant to let her move in, despite the fact they’ve been dating for 2.5 years (yet from their introductory date scene, seem like they’ve been dating for fewer than 6 months). So then why would someone waste that kind of time and effort to earn back something they don’t even want? Only a complete narcissist would be willing to go to such great lengths in an effort to maintain control over someone like that, and such characters aren’t allowed to exist during the holiday movie rush. 

Thankfully, the cast is charming overall, and while the story is a sappy nightmare, the chemistry between the two leads makes it likable enough that it never induced any kind of physical rage from within me, something that I’m sad to say happens somewhat frequently with this subgenre. The main fault is the horrid plot, which is just too ridiculous to completely forgive. Even within the wide constraints of a subgenre that gleefully ignores all logic, this one takes things way too far. It’s a decent start to the holiday season, but one that I hope is surpassed sooner, rather than later. 

RANDOM OBSERVATIONS

• Oh yeah, there's also a goat that comes with the premises and who constantly interrupts Gabriela at the most inopportune times.
• I wonder if Christina Milian ever expected her career trajectory to take her into generic romance pictures. And if she was told in advance, I wonder if she still would have released the song that made her popular.

ENTERTAINMENT RATING: 5/10

TRAILER